The latest movie I saw it theaters was Rock of Ages. After all, I love musicals and cannot resist more than a dozen 80s songs and a shirtless Tom Cruise in the same movie. This is the latest film from Adam Shankman, director of 2007's "Hairpray," which was a great adaptation of the Broadway show and one of my favorite movies. Alas, that will probably be Shankman's greatest achievement. Not even an all star cast, including Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Alec Baldwin could make this a quality film. Then again maybe thinking of the most cliched plot and randomly adding 80s songs to it just wasn't a great idea to begin with.
The film takes place in 1987 and deals with a naive young midwestern girl, who naturally wants to move to California and become a singer. She unsurprisingly falls in love with a young man who works at a bar in this sleazy club, who just so happens to be a closeted singer as well. It's not just any sleazy club though, it's run by Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand and is about to be shut down if they don't pay their taxes on it. This is where a shirtless, long haired Tom Cruise, as fictional rock and roll idol Stacie Jaxx comes to save the day. Hopefully his star status will bring in the needed money to save the Bourbon Club. Tons of random things happen and people randomly burst into such songs as "Hit me With Your Best Shot," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Anyway You Want It," and "Can't Fight This Feeling."
If you ever wanted to know if Tom Cruise can sing, then the answer is yes, kind of. All he needed was some voice training and a little auto-tune. I am not a huge fan of his, but he was funny in this movie, and I personally enjoyed his songs, mainly "Pour Some Sugar on Me." I may have personal issues to work out though. Who knows? Also, even at age 50 every women who gets within in three feet of him apparently still wants to have sex with him. There is all sorts of PG-13 sexual references and encounters for Stacie Jaxx, and it's all so ridiculous that I couldn't help but be amused. Also, another running joke, him putting his hand on at least three women's chests during the duration of the movie, also could potentially lead to amusement.
The two main young actors Julianne Hough and Diego Boneto really cannot age. I assume they are merely there to look attractive and bring in that young demographic.
Next, I love Catherine Zeta-Jones, mainly from Chicago. She proved she had an incredibly powerful voice that fits perfectly in a film based off a Broadway show. Her character in Rock of Ages was added just for the movie and is really kind of pointless, it pains me to say. She is the mayor's wife and wants to clean up the city from all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll. However, she got to sing "Hit me With Your Best" shot, which I enjoyed. Why was the choreography so cheesy? Why did this scene take place in a church? I honestly have no idea. It's just a catchy Pat Benatar song.
Also, Russell Brand is so freaking annoying that it makes me want to scream. The combination of annoying accent and being not funny just do not sit well with me. However, his duet with Alec Baldwin (who is a riot anytime he opens his mouth to sing), "Can't Fight this Feeling" was hilarious. Who knew that they were in love with each other the entire time? It's true, they ride on carousels and kiss and everything...so be forewarned.
I got a Burlesque feeling watching Rock of Ages, which is no compliment. The whole small town girl trying to make it in the big city aspect, mainly. Unfortunately Cher was not in it though. That would have possibly added another star to my rating.
If Mamma Mia! taught us anything it is that Pierce Brosnan cannot sing and that it is never a good idea to attempt to make a musical using previously existing hit songs. It will always feel forced and the singing will stick out like a sore thumb and not flow naturally with the narrative, like "Sweeney Todd" or "Chicago" did so beautifully.
One last thing thing I forgot to mention. One of my favorite scenes was "Anyway You Want It," being sung at a strip club (Oh yeah I forgot to mention it, but the main girl becomes a stripper at a club run by Mary J. Blige...i don't remember why...). I am really not sure what that says about the quality of this movie, but what can I say, Journey is irresistible to me.
The movie is cliched, the songs don't fit naturally with the story, everyone is obviously lip synching, and there were no scenes as great to me as Meryl Streep singing "Winner Takes it All" in Mamma Mia! or Cher singing "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" in Burlesque. I couldn't hate it though. It was just too ridiculous, but let's be honest I'll probably watch it again before I ever watch Mamma Mia!
1 star out of 4...if we are being honest with ourselves...Yes I know I rated the previously mentioned two musicals higher that that...I really don't know what I'm doing.
-Joseph Sbrilli
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