Flight

It has been 12 years, but Robert Zemeckis is briefly back to making live-action movies (Remember Back to the Future, Forrest Gump, Castaway, etc?).  Flight stars the always wonderful Denzel Washington, Don Cheadle, and one of the best supporting actors, John Goodman.  

Whip Whitaker (Washington) is a extraordinarily talented pilot, which comes in handy when the plane hits turbulence or possibly has a equipment malfunction and he has to make a crash landing.  Luckily, he is able to save the lives of just about everybody on the plane.  Unluckily for him, he is addicted to drugs and alcohol and people begin to start investigating the possible causes of the crash. Whip must deal with his own addictions, while trying to relieve himself of possible blame for the ordeal.  Goodman plays Whip's best friend and the source of much of his cocaine and other drugs.

Like with such actors/actresses as Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Morgan Freeman, and Sally Field, I would pretty much watch Denzel Washington in anything.  He is an incredibly talented lead actor and was able to portray someone who is completely controlled by their addictions and dealing with his ex-wife and poor relationship with his son.  He makes it all seem pretty effortless...which I suppose is what is entailed in being a great actor.  Also, John Goodman is awesome in anything he does.  I have loved seeing him in small roles in several movies this year.  He does not disappoint in his couple scenes in Flight.  He is absolutely hilarious in his couple scenes, including visiting Whip in the hospital, complete with cigarettes and dirty magazines.  

Just a heads up, the beginning of the film is a little scandalous.  If you wish to watch the movie without all of the skin, then simply skip the first five minutes.  I promise you will not miss any key plot points and you may feel better about yourselves for making that judgement call.  

I enjoyed this movie.  It has great actors, an exciting plane crash scene, gave some nice information about addictions, and hopefully was such an enjoyable experience for Robert Zemeckis, that he will want to make many more live action movies.

3 out of 4 stars...Denzel Washington and John Goodman...if you don't like them, then stay home and don't go to the Redbox when it comes to DVD

-Joseph Sbrilli 

Skyfall

It isn’t often we are treated to a Bond film. Oh wait, yes it is. It happens all the time. With stunning regularity. Probably the longest running movie series (Anyone know what number Land Before Time is at?) Bond is a movie staple that refuses to die. The only character who is okay to replace actors with; Giving filmmakers the chance to revive a character that should have gone stale long ago. Director Sam Mendes has taken the old martini Bond formula and given it a good shaking, resulting in the best Bond in years.

                

A little caveat for this entire review: I HATED both Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace. Oh look, Bond is playing cards. He’s still playing cards. He just had a heart attack! Good thing the only gadget they gave him besides a smartphone was a defibrillator in his car. More cards. Testicle rope smacking. The end. That’s my synopsis of Casino Royale. I don’t even remember Quantum of Solace because I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. The bad guy was a wuss and the editing was a stunning homage to Transporter 3.

                

So I was a little wary heading into Skyfall. Even after seeing all the rave reviews. But it was all for naught because it’s a great film. It starts with a thrilling chase through Istanbul and a classic train fight. Unfortunately Bond gets shot by another agent and falls off the train seemingly to his death. But of course not. He kind of just ditches the whole spy thing and lives on a tropical island doing his thing. He comes back when an unknown terrorist blows up MI6 headquarters in order to stick it to M (Judi Dench).

                

Despite being an obviously broken man who isn’t as quick as he used to be, M sends out Bond to find out who blew up her office and who stole a data file containing all British secret agents embedded in terrorist organizations around the globe. The terrorist in question is former MI6 operative with questionable sexual tendencies and a bone to pick with M named Silva, played absolutely wonderfully by Javier Bardem.

                

In general this film feels more like a Bond film than the other two films helmed by Craig. We finally have a Q, all though his gadgetry is lacking. The Aston Martin makes an appearance, there’s thrilling set pieces, Moneypenny is finally brought in and finally we have a bad guy who can put up a fight.

               

But what sets Skyfall apart is the deeper themes running through it. We have Bond, reeling from a gunshot wound and semi-betrayal trying to perform at his peak. We have the constant tension of two agents (Bond and Silva) bound by their inability to ever give up, constantly trying to put the other off their guards. And finally we have a deep Oedipus Rex theme running through both Bond and Silvia’s relationship to M. Silva, being left for dead and disfigured because of M’s choices and Bond because, well, essentially the same thing. Just not as horrifying. Considering they both call her mom, this one could be explored pretty deeply. “Mommy’s been very bad.”

                

It’s also incredibly artistic, which I entirely credit to Sam Mendes. One of the most beautiful fight scenes is set in almost pitch black darkness with occasional gun fires. The whole time the audience is wondering which is Bond and which is his enemy. It was beautiful and done in one incredibly choreographed shot.

                

There are some things I take some issue with. Bond was clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, shot twice in the intro. But they only mention or show the one hole in his body. And he cuts out the bullet, weeks or even months later, BY HIMSELF with a combat knife. But realism isn’t really Bond’s thing. Q gives him two gadgets (if they can be called that) a gun that only shoots when Bond’s holding it, and a radio transmitter. Wow Q, going over the top. Bond lets that one girl die pretty easily, and the whole third act, while being a well shot awesome scene, is basically just Home Alone 4. Didn’t anyone think to call for backup at any time? No? All right, this just became Rambo.

                

The film rises above all that though. It is most certainly a ‘Bond’ film, with deeper plots and one of the greatest Bond villains of all time. The addition of Ralph Fiennes is also a wonderful change and I am hopeful for the next two in the series that Craig has signed on for, before he gets way too old and they need to find a new actor. I hope they change things up and give us a black Bond next time.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O’Connell

Argo

I have long said that the only time I can stand Ben Affleck in a film is when he personally directs it. Or he has a very large hand in the films creation. Or if he dies within the first twenty minutes (Thank you Smokin’ Aces). Because Ben Affleck, is a great director. Not just good, not just talented, but great. Gone Baby Gone could have been a fluke. The Town meant that there had to be another reason besides a fluke. And now Argo confirms it, Affleck knows what he is doing.

                

Set amidst the political turmoil of late 70s and early 80s Iran, Argo is the story of six American embassy employees who were rescued through a hilariously sitcom like plan and international cooperation. If you remember your history correctly, you will remember that under the Carter administration the U.S. Embassy in Iran was taken over by a very anti-U.S. Iranians. About 40 or so Americans were held captive for over a year in Iran. What most people don’t know is that six of them escaped before the place was overrun and took shelter at the Canadian Ambassador’s home.

                

Enter CIA agent Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck). A specialist in exfiltration, Mendez was assigned the responsibility of getting them out. After running through plan after plan that just didn’t seem to work Mendez got a crazy idea: pretend the Americans were a Canadian film crew working on a sci-fi film that they wanted to film a part of in Tehran. Mendez flies into Iran pretending to be Canadian, and gets the Americans to do the same so that they can all fly out together.

                

And it’s all a true story! Mostly. But the story that we have, however Hollywoodized is wonderful. The opening scenes of the movie, the gathering crowd outside the embassy, the horrified employees inside quipping, “it looks bigger today,” are so tense, everyone is waiting for the pin drop. And drop it does when the protesters finally decide to climb the wall.

                

Tense is the name of the game. The opening scenes, the walk and drive through crowded squares of angry Iranians and the final harrowing airport scene where one slipup of identity results in probable death for all involved.

                

The superb acting by all involved, especially Bryan Cranston, Ben Affleck, John Goodman, and Alan Arkin, coupled with both fantastic writing and pacing provides for a very entertaining film that does almost nothing wrong.

                

There are a couple of things I noticed. One, is the Iranian girl who looks like she might betray the Americans but instead risks her life for them. When she crosses the border to Iraq, we see nothing more of her. She isn’t explained in the credits which leads me to believe she was an entirely fabricated character for an interesting plot point.

                

And that is a real detriment throughout. There’s a nagging thought that reappears, “how much of this is real?” And for me, after doing some quick wikipediaing, enough of it is to disappoint me.

                

But the spirit of the film is still all there. The tension is through the roof and the sharp writing is both entertaining and dramatic. I’m sad I didn’t see it sooner.

4 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Trouble with the Curve

Clint Eastwood has lied to us again.  In 2004 he claimed he would retire from acting after Million Dollar Baby, four years later he made the same claim with Gran Torino.  Now he's back to fake retire from acting in Trouble with the Curve.  It was directed by Robert Lorenz and co-stars such talented people as Amy Adams, John Goodman, and Justin Timberlake.

Eastwood plays Gus Lobel a baseball scout.  He has eye problems though, so people want to force him to retire so that computers and young people can decide if a kid has talent or not.  Being the grumpy old man that he is, Gus will have none of that.  Luckily Pete Klein (Goodman), who is Gus' boss-friend combination asks his daughter, Mickey (Adams) to go along with him.  Not only is she a sassy lawyer with issues with her father who abandoned her as a child, but she also has talent for recognizing talent.  Somewhere along the way Johnny Flanagan (Timberlake), a young baseball scout joins in the fun and tries to woo Mickey.

This film has gotten mixed reviews, I must admit.  I got over it pretty easily, so hopefully other fans of the cast members can as well. Is it cheesy?  Yes, a little bit, but not Full House cheesy, so I thought it was fine.  Do we know what's going to happen between Gus and Mickey and Mickey and Johnny?  Oh for sure.  Clint Eastwood is a softy at heart and Justin Timberlake is very good looking.  

The acting and casting was great in this movie.  Eastwood and Adams have extremely natural chemistry with each other.  After The Fighter, and every movie that is not The Fighter, I have to learn to completely trust Adams' acting instincts.  If needed she can be just as tough as Eastwood, while still being beautiful and charming enough to entice that guy who sang that Madonna song.  I found out that Justin Timberlake is hilarious, so now it is a pleasure for me to watch him in movies.  Also, I love John Goodman, so very much...so if he gets a couple scenes in a movie than I'm completely in.  Comedy, drama, voice acting...does it all flawlessly.  

It was kind of long ago since I saw this, but I think I teared up at one point, so people have that scene to look forward though.  Sometimes you just need a movie to manipulate your emotions.

Also, Clint Eastwood is an American legend and a tremendous talent, in front of and behind the camera.  It does not matter that he plays some variation of the same character.  It works for him.  

To this day I still smile and/or laugh when I hear Clint Eastwood say, "What are you fellas starin' at?  I'm not a pole dancer."  If that's not hilarious coming from him, then I just don't know what is.  

That's about it.  I loved the cast and found it to be an enjoyable couple hours.  Sure, Eastwood and the rest of the cast have done more memorable work, but I'm completely okay with supporting the careers of these lovely people.

2 1/2 stars out of 4.

-Joseph Sbrilli 

Seven Psychopaths

The play writing world wasn't enough for Martin McDonagh. The brilliant award winning playwrite broke into the movie world with his oscar winning short film 6-shooter starring Brendan Gleeson. Then in 2008, McDonagh released the critically praised In Bruges featuring Brendan Gleeson, Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes. It is quite literally one of the best movies of all time. And if you don't think so, shame on you. Four long years we had to wait for the next McDonagh film. In many ways it was worth the wait, but it many others the sophomore effort just can't quite reach the level of the first.

The story of Seven Psychopaths, like all of McDonagh's work, is always hard to pin down. You can guess where it's going but it was a total fluke if you actually predicted it correctly. It revolves around Marty (Colin Farrell), an alcoholic Irish screenwriter (Get it?) who is trying to come up with seven psychopathic characters for his new film entitled Seven Psychopaths (Seriously, do you get it? Because if you don't you shouldn't watch movies).

His best friend Billy (Sam Rockwell) is a struggling actor who wants nothing more than to help write Marty's screenplay and potentially star in it. But he's not very good at it. So in his spare time he and Hans (Christopher Walken) steal dogs from the park and then bring them back to their owners to collect the reward money. Only one day, they steal Charlie's (Woody Harrlson) adorable Shih Tzu. Charlie is a ruthless mob boss who loves his dog way more than his girlfriend or anything else in life.

And that's about as much as I can summarize without ruining some really fun and creative parts of the film. There's a whole lot more going on and I don't want to spoil anything.

So let's talk about the film's strengths. You don't see writing and dialogue like this outside of a Tarantino movie. Except I think it is even better. It's quick, it's funny and if you look away for a second you might miss the brilliance of it. Of course thankfully this time there is only one Irish accent. (I am notoriously bad at understanding other accents) The actors themselves are top notch. Sam Rockwell is in peak form as he always is, Colin Farrell is always better when he plays an alcoholic Irishman, Tom Waits is gleefully delightful as a psychopath and Woody Harrelson is forever awesome when holding a gun.

But the shining star (if there is allowed to be one) is Christopher Walken. Every line out of his mouth was either hilarious, poignant, thought-provoking or so tear jerking you want to hug him. This is his Supporting Actor Oscar nomination to lose.

And the gore! Oh god it is wonderful. McDonagh has a little love affair with gratuitous, but at the same time, hilarious amounts of gore. Headshots, throat slittings, blood shooting everywhere. It gets graphic. Thankfully, while gross, it doesn't stray too far into the too much area but it might be a little shocking to many viewers.

But Seven Psychopaths fails on a couple of levels. There's a little bit of "Hollywood" as my friends called it, pushed into the film. It's not bad, but it is noticeable. There's also several storylines happening at any one time. And both the trailer and the poster are an extreme lie. The trailer doesn't even mention the screenwriting plot and the poster lists two women as some of the psychopaths. Combined, those actresses have about 5 lines of dialogue before disappearing forever. Which results in a hilarious scene in which Hans reads Marty's script.

"Do you know women who can string coherent sentences together?"
"Yes."
"Then where are they in this screenplay?"

The film also does a poor job of connecting the scenes. Halfway through the movie they end up in the desert. With tents. With no real explanation as to how, or why they drove from L.A. to the desert.

Seven Psychopaths delivers a unique twist on the old person in a movie trying to write a screenplay gag. And it has some of the best actors in the biz going at it with some fantastic lines of dialogue. People who aren't familiar with In Bruges probably won't enjoy it. The scenes tend to have a disconnect and it just wasn't organized well. A little too many good ideas forcefully shoved into one movie.

2 1/2 stars out of 4

-Christopher O'Connell

P.S. No one can deny the brilliance and sheer creativity shown in Christopher Walken's final monologue. I wish I could come up with ideas like that.

Looper

Time travel, a frightening child actor and Bruce Willis? It's like director Rian Johnson wrote down the requirements for a science fiction film and then said "Yeah, that's what I want in my new movie." Fortunately for him, and for us, he did it in a creative way that rises above tired sci-fi tropes and delivers a genuinely entertaining, if confusing, action film.

In the future, time travel has been discovered. And outlawed. Instead of using it exclusively to go back in time and draw inappropriate pictures on Hitler's face while he's sleeping, the world's future criminal organizations use time travel as a way to kill people. Because it's super hard to hide a body in the future or something. So they send people they want dead back to about 50 years from our present to be killed.

The guys who do the killing are called loopers. They wait at a predetermined position, use a shotgun like gun called a blunderbuss to blow away a recently time traveled hooded target, and collect their payment in the form of silver sent back with the target. Then they dispose of the body, usually with fire. But there's a catch that comes in the form of the phrase "closing the loop." To erase all knowledge of this operation loopers have thirty years of life given to them, at the end of thirty years they are sent back in time to be killed by themselves. For an extra reward the young self is given a large amount of gold to compensate for killing himself. The only rule is never let your target go free.

Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, see what they did there?) is a looper. He waits in a cornfield, checks his pocket watch and carefully aims his blunderbuss. A white sheet is spread out in front of him. A man appears. Boom. In an instant he is blown away. There is no thinking, just acting. But one day after watching multiple loopers close their own loops, a man appears on his sheet but this time he isn't wearing a hood. The split second that Joe hesitates allows Old Joe (Bruce Willis) to escape, the one thing you're not allowed to let happen. Now Joe has to hunt himself down.

Sounds like a sci-fi chase action film right? Wrong. What the trailer doesn't reveal is about half of the story line. And I was very pleased with that. There is nothing quite like assuming you know what a movie will be about and then watching it take a complete right turn. Rian Johnson has thrown together, at minimum, at least 2 separate movies. Normally this would be a confusing experience, and at some points it is, but he keeps it all together for a satisfying sci-fi flick.

I had a real debate with a friend about the merits of this film. He thought some of the emotional moments were cheapened by the fact that they were forced to happen. I would half agree, but it doesn't make them less emotional for me and for most audience members. There are hard choices here. Some of them gory. There were many times where I stared at the screen slack jawed or quietly whispering to the man next to me "oh no."

Because for sheer entertainment value, "Looper" is hard to beat. Close range shotgun blasts are brutal, Levitt and Willis are fantastic at acting, and Johnson has created a believable world very much informed by past sci fi movies but unique in itself.

Sure there are some poor cheesy choices. And if anyone takes the time to actually think about the time travel stuff it would all fall apart, kind of like how "Inception" loses itself after multiple viewings. The final scene with Levitt is a mishmash of ridiculousness. This is his actual line, "And I saw it, a boy and a man, trapped forever making the same choices, stuck in a circle." LIKE A LOOP JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT? LIKE A GIANT LOOP? JUST SAY IT, IF YOU'RE GOING TO DESCRIBE THE TITLE JUST SAY IT. Also, for anyone who saw the movie, Joe had about 20 different options to pick before choosing what he did. But instead he was like eh, all or nothing right?

But is "Looper" good? I honestly have no idea. And I saw it 3 weeks ago. But I loved watching it and I would certainly watch it again. If just to see Bruce Willis dual wield machine guns.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

P.S. Did anyone else get a Walking Dead vibe as soon as Joe got to the farm? Thankfully it wasn't nearly as long or as boring.

The Expendables 2: A Quick Review

Is there any reason for this movie? No. There is not. But it has the most hilarious subtitle ever in the history of ever. Not many posters feature it because it is so mind boggingly stupid. Is Expendables 2 a good movie? Not by a long shot. Did I have fun watching it? You bet I did.

The crew is back, completely forgiving Dolph Lundgren for being a total bush in the first movie and they finally added a character that's actually under the age of 35. Hello Liam Hemsworth. The badass army war sniper who is the only title character to die. Wait WHAT?! Yup, spoiler alert. Liam dies. I guess he made everyone else look bad, or old.

But who cares? These films are so stupid that it really doesn't matter who lives or dies. Jet Li quite literally jumps out of a plane so he can stop being in these movies. But don't worry they bring out Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis to shoot endless waves of bad guys.

There's no real plot. Jean-Claude Van Damme is just a civilian killing dick looking to sell old Russian nuclear warheads to terrorists (Seriously Russia, hide your old nukes.) And the Expendables are there to kill him and all his henchmen.

If you don't like stupid action films, don't bother. This won't change your mind. If, like me, you laughed endlessly at the first one's stupidity, gives Expendables 2 a try. Only this time around, Stallone and crew are finally in on the joke instead of pretending they're trying to make a decent movie.

0 out of 4 stars in actual movie world.

3 out of 4 stars in action/hilarious movie world.

-Christopher O'Connell

Hope Springs

Hope Springs was directed by David Frankel and stars Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carrell.

Kay and Arnold Soames (Streep and Jones) have been married for thirty-one years.  They no longer sleep in the same room, haven't had sex in close to five years, barely talk, and are not emotionally available to one another.  Apparently this means that the marriage is in need of dire help.  Kay takes the initiative to sign her and her hubby up for a marriage counseling trip to Maine to see Dr. Bernie Feld (Carrell), since he wrote a book on marriage and must be an expert.  Arnold is against the counseling from the start, however he goes anyways, but is pretty cranky the entire time.  Dr. Feld seeks to delve into these two characters' relationship and try and restore intimacy to a marriage that has become dormant over the years.

This goes without saying, but I love Meryl Streep.  I have mentioned this multiple times on this blog and if you know me personally, chances are that I have told you this to your face.  She is incredibly talented and can literally play any role.  She looks different in every film and sometimes even gets fancy and dons an authentic foreign accent, all while transforming herself into another character.   I feel like she is at her best playing real people, such as Julia Child in Julie & Julia and Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady.  However, she is good in Hope Springs, as well.  So what if it's not a role worthy of Oscar recognition.  Also, she has good chemistry with Tommy Lee Jones and it is evident that she loves this man, even after years of becoming emotionally distant and lacking intimacy.  I got to admit I was disappointed when Jeff Bridges decided not to play the male lead.  He and Streep would have been an awesome combination.  However, Jones took over the role perfectly fine, and has some of the funniest lines in the film.  Mostly mined from the character's cynical personality.  

The film also is further proof that Steve Carrell is a talented actor.  If you are expecting Steve Carrell to be hilariously funny like he was on The Office or in several of his films, then go watch one of those.  In Hope Springs all of his dialogue is spoken from the same chair in the therapist's office and hardly any of it is meant to be funny.  He had a simple role, consisting of forcing Streep and Jones' characters to open up to him and each other about the state of their marriage.  Carrell may be done with television for a while, but he has a quite a career in movies, and I don't see him getting typecast like Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler in the same dumb comedies.  

Also, the whole tone of the film was successfully executed and dealt with important topics.  The movie is primarily a drama, with some funny lines and scenes (especially during the credits...so stay and watch them...all of them).  It shows the importance of intimacy in marriage and being open to one another and telling your husband/wife your feelings.  The film showed some of the setbacks that the couple faced as they were trying to do the exercises that Dr. Feld suggested they do to get physically closer to one another.  This adds to the realism in the film, since no marriage is fixed instantly.  Had there been no setbacks, the film would have gotten cheesy and stupid and I would not have been amused by the price of the ticket I bought.  

Just so no one is surprised their is talk about sexuality in this film.  But the characters are married...and having problems in that department, so stop being so sensitive.  And some of it is actually quite funny.

Finally, this movie is way better than Marley & Me.  David Frankel also directed that, and I was absolutely not a fan of it.  He also directed The Devil Wears Prada, which I don't really remember, but apparently Meryl Streep was wonderful in it.   

3 stars out 4.  If you like the cast or films about restoring marriages, or just want to see Steve Carell sit in a chair, then by all means see it in theaters, or rent it.  I understand movies are quite expensive.  

-Joseph Sbrilli 

The Campaign

It's good to see Will Ferrell back in a solid comedy. Discounting last years disappointing "Casa De Mi Padre" Ferrell hasn't been in a solid comedy film since "The Other Guys." But while "The Campaign" isn't his best work, it is a solid film with entertaining leads and constant laughs.

Democratic incumbent Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) has run unopposed in the 14th district of North Carolina four times. He loves America, he loves freedom, and he loves Jesus, but he isn't sure why. He just knows the people love it when he says that. But when he is caught leaving a dirty phone message for his mistress on a constituents answering machine, the higher ups decide to do something about it. The higher ups are the Motch brothers (Dan Ackroyd, John Lithgow), loosely based on the Koch brothers, who need a senator who will vote to allow Chinese factories on U.S. soil. They try to find someone less reckless then Brady. They settle on  republican Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis) a small town business owner and son to the Huggins estate. A family that goes so far back they pay their Asian maid to talk like a black woman because it reminds them of the "good old days." Marty at first looks like he has no chance of winning, but with a ruthless Motch funded campaign manager (Dylan McDermott) both Brady and Huggins resort to dirty tricks to undermine one another in the race to get elected.

It is hard to review comedies because no one likes to read the jokes poorly remembered by me, so I am sorry if this one is a little bit short. Ferrell is hilarious. He is back into a character that immediately is reminiscent of Anchorman and should prepare him for that role again. He has beautiful hair, and acts very much like a douchey democratic politician should (looking at you former senator Edwards). He will do anything, up to and including sleeping with his opponents wife and running an ad of their sex tape.

Marty Huggins is the exact opposite. He's short and adorable. He owns two pugs and is very effeminate and very Christian at the same time. His campaign manager spends most of his time making Marty tougher. Replacing his house items with lots of carved wood, stuffed dead animals, and replacing his pugs with a lab and a retriever, the two most American dogs out there.

As I said, the movie is hilarious, with almost constant laughs, mostly coming from our two very capable leads. I wouldn't say there's very many quotable parts, just that every line of dialogue can be made good by a great actor. What detracts from the film, or holds it back is the lack of substance. This film is more parody than satire. The candidates use buzzwords to charge their audience like calling the other one a communist or invoking Jesus. Deeper issues are rarely discussed. There are some subtle jabs, like when Brady hands Huggins some Chick-Fil-A coupons, but on the whole it doesn't get very deep.

Does it matter? No, because it is still funny. Even if they both act like Republican candidates. I also died when Ferrell punches both a baby and the dog from "The Artist". Good, solid R-rated fun, that is funny for all ages in an audience.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Bourne Legacy

The original Bourne trilogy is, far and away, the best spy movies I have ever seen. Even if he's really only spying for himself. Matt Damon threw himself into the role as Jason Bourne. And moviegoers were treated to some fantastic directing by Paul Greengrass. But we all know Hollywood loves to make money, so they decided to continue the Bourne series even though both Greengrass and Damon decided to opt out. It was a bad move.

Like the poster says, there never was just one. Which we knew from the first movies because Jason Bourne was set upon by multiple highly trained assassin bad guys. If you remember correctly, Bourne was part of a secret government program called Treadstone, or Blackbriar. I forget which because they throw around these names like a great white shark throws around a seal (Shark Week baby). Well, Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner) is part of another program whose name I didn't catch. Except in his program, each operative is given pills that boost their strength and mental capacity. Trying to engineer Captain America. But in the last film, that Pamela Landsbury woman decided to blow the lid on the whole program because she felt bad for Bourne or something. I should really rewatch those.

Well she blew the lid on Jeremy Renner's program somehow, and the government obviously only knows one way to cover it up so nobody talks about it: by killing everyone. Even civilians. Which is ridiculous. They went after Bourne because they thought he was going rogue. They go after Aaron Cross because they'd rather kill a multi-million dollar super soldier then let CBS News know he exists. Obviously, because he is the main character, Aaron is the only one in his program who escapes certain death.

So he's going to find and kill the people responsible for trying to find and kill him right? WRONG. In the weirdest plot line ever, Aaron rescues a scientist woman, whom he shares no intimacy with even though THERE'S SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION, in order to find a way to get his superhero pills back. BUT WAIT, he only needs one pill because they injected him with a virus that made the physical pill obsolete. This is literally the plot line right here: Aaron needs the virus form of the new pill because without it, he is literally mentally challenged. They need to get to the Philippines before Aaron gets too stupid to function anymore. A very odd way to run a supersoldier program.

And that's basically the movie. Which is just one big setup for the next Bourne film. Oh and the trailer lied, remember that part that says, "It's Treadstone without the inconsistencies."? That's not referencing Aaron Cross. It's referencing a different program called Larx-3 where they bred the empathy out of their super soldiers. Apparently the government has like 20 of these programs. Aaron isn't that special. Bourne was special, Aaron just has superhuman pills.

So we have a very confusing plot, a pretty bad lead female, a end bad guy fight which is entirely underwhelming and the movie ends with no closure whatsoever. When compared to the original films, it doesn't stack up at all. There is no fair comparison. Jeremy Renner is a great lead, and I hope to god he gets to team up with Matt Damon in the next film, but if they stay the course on this one, Bourne's legacy will be a pile of crap.

1.5 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Total Recall

I always get pumped for science fiction movies. Why? Who knows. Most of them are pretty bad. There's something about the future that will always fascinate us. How will we live? How will we interact? What new, exciting ways can we come up with to kill someone? Can we remake a movie from the 90's that was widely considered pretty great and hope that it stands on par? Not in this case, but that doesn't mean that Total Recall didn't do some things right.

Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is an average, if distinctly better looking, regular dude. He lives in Australia, also known as the colony. After some crazy war, the only two places on Earth that are inhabitable are the United Kingdom, known as the United British Federation, and Australia, the colony. Everyone who lives in the colony is your working class blue collar poor people that has surprisingly Asian tastes. They all basically work for the UBF. The only means of transport between the two places is a giant train that goes through the center of the Earth between the two every day, which you have to admit is pretty dang cool.

Well, Quaid is pretty unsatisfied with life, even though his wife is a super hot Kate Beckinsale. He decides to go to Rekall, a place that can put imaginary memories inside of your head so it feels like you lived as a spy or a supermodel or something else cool. Quaid goes and right as he's being plugged in, the machine freaks out and cops break in and kill everyone. And then Quaid kills all of the cops. Now he's running around the colony and UBF trying to figure out if what he is experiencing is real or fake while at the same time uncovering a conspiracy and stopping the war.

I don't want to ruin too much more but its pretty obvious from the get-go that he is not suffering from recall memories at all. Sorry to burst that bubble but the movie doesn't really care about that. It cares about action sequences.

And boy, does it have action sequences. Car chases, lots and lots of bullets, elevator chases, and a final badguy vs. hero showdown. It's all pretty fun.

Oh and BRYAN CRANSTON IS THE BAD GUY. And it's amazing. Non Breaking Bad fans are really missing out on this man right now. But seeing him on the big screen growling and kicking ass just makes me want more of him all the time.

The problem with Total Recall is its predecessor. It just doesn't compare. It's not groundbreaking, it has a few cool ideas, but at its core it is just a slightly above average sci-fi big budget action flick. And that is fine, everyone should stop complaining about it because it is way better than the Bourne movie.

2.5 out of 4 stars

P.S. Where's the accents? Only Kate Beckinsale really uses hers and it's based in Britain. Colin Farrell is literally Irish. Use the accents, would have been way cooler.

Moonrise Kingdom

How do you review a movie created by Wes Anderson? I ran into this problem a couple years back after seeing The Fantastic Mr. Fox. How can I talk about a film that reaches astounding levels of emotional depth and directorial mastery while at the same time employing quirks and strange oddities that have no place in a sane movie? It is films like this that let me know I will never be a true "critic", because there is just a point in these sorts of movies that I reach where my mind screams out, "I just don't get it. And I probably never will."

Moonrise Kingdom is a love story. It's a coming of an age story. It's a story of reconciliation. Of marraige. Of suicide. Of becoming a man. With so many characters, it can't just be one tale of one or two people. Famous actors and actresses like Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Edward Norton, Bruce Willis, Jason Schwartzman, and Frances McDormand sit above a bevy of budding child actors and act as backdrops for the love story between young Sam Shakusky (Jared Gilman) and Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward). Sam is a lonely orphan, disliked by literally everyone, especially his foster home parents and his khaki scout co-troopers whom he is stuck with on the small New England island of New Penzance. But despite being ridiculed by everyone, he is surprisingly smart, confident, and survival savvy. Suzy lives on New Penzance with her parents and three brothers. She is also lonely and very perturbed when she discovers her adulterous mom has a book entitled "Coping with a Troubled Child." She and Sam started as pen pals after meeting at a church play. They decide to run away together and live by themselves forever on the island. This of course leads to various adults of the island, the sheriff (Willis), Suzy's parents (Murray and McDormand), and the khaki scout leader and his troops (Norton) going on an island wide manhunt to find them.

That is the ultimate story, Suzy and Sam finding solace in each other while the world spins around them. Seeking to get away from their broken relationships to build a new one. Honest to God, it's pretty cute. Sam's self assuredness with the things he knows and the things he doesn't is the perfect foil to Suzy's tag along but strong willed character. And the fact that Sam smokes a pipe while Suzy reads to him is fantastic.

But like any Wes Anderson film, Moonrise Kingdom is weird. All of his movies are weird. They're very quirky in ways that would put a contemporary audience in an off mood. And that is why I say that I will never get it. Because don't get me wrong, Moonrise Kingdom is a film school nerd's wet dream. It's a critics wet dream, and I guarantee one or two oscar nominations for writing and cinematography at the very least. But it's just a little too indie.

The film is wonderfully shot and the dialogue is mmm mmm delicious. I have two favorite parts, one when Sam tells Suzy, "I love you, but you have no idea what you are talking about." And when McDormand tells Murray that they have to stay together because they are all their kids have. Murray replies, "That's not enough." I gasped. It was so good. You have to see it to feel the power in such subtle scenes.

And Wes Anderson is the king of subtle performances. And I believe he draws out the best of them in here. So, Moonrise Kingdom is beautiful, full of wonderful writing and has terrific actors who never steal the show from one another. Except maybe Bill Murray because he is always hilarious. But the film is just a little weird for a guy like me. It's hard to chew on. And I believe it is about a half hour too long, dragging on with the introduction of even more characters. But it is by and far my favorite Wes Anderson movie (I've only seen a few though.) Any student of film will adore this movie but non fans of the indie circuit might not be able to access it very easily.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

The Dark Knight Rises

"What does it mean?" "Rise." Prisoners chant in an old language, encouraging, or taunting, the ones who risk everything for freedom. To an untrained ear, it sounds like they are chanting for the broken city, This is Gotham. No, this is Nolan. Rounding out the epic trilogy of Bruce Wayne in glorious fashion. It's the rare second sequel, the coups de grâce of filmmaking. This is Batman.


Set eight years after the events of the second film, Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has become an eccentric recluse. He has given up the cape so the world can believe that Batman was the one that murdered Harvey Dent. Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) has to live in the public eye, lying to the people about Harvey's death so that the city can be tough on crime. The organised crime syndicates are dead and the lowlifes and criminals that aren't in jail have moved into Gotham's massive underground tunnels. 


And who is there organizing them? The partially masked villain Bane (Tom Hardy). Famous for being the comic book villain that broke Batman's back, Bane was reduced to henchman status in Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever. Now, thankfully, Nolan has returned Bane to one of Batman's most feared enemies. His plan is to cutoff Gotham from the rest of the world and hold them hostage just to eventually finish them off like Ra's al Ghul wanted in the first film.


Oh yes, The Dark Knight Rises connects very deeply to the first film in the franchise. There is little to no reference to the second film beyond Harvey Dent's death. This is out of respect for Heath Ledger's passing. In some ways it is a bad choice, Heath Ledger was such a pivotal part of the second film, but in others it is a great choice because we have returned to Batman's roots. What makes him tick and if his unwillingness to die shows him to be the craziest of all.


Fans of Nolan's visual style will be pleased. Explosions and grand set pieces abound. Most with the backdrop of the great city of New York. It really is hard to differentiate Gotham and the NYC. The massive fight outside of city hall between the police and Bane's thugs is an epic background to one of the best superhero/supervillian throwdowns of all time. If you are like me, the appearance of the batwing in the trailer was the greatest thing to happen in a movie trailer. Nolan uses the batwing (called just The Bat) gratuitously. Any chance that Batman has to climb into it, he will.


The worst part about The Avengers was the villain. Loki was a very intimidating bad guy. There is no such problem with Bane. Tom Hardy really worked out for the part. The man is massive. And the facemask choice is top notch. Much better than the comic book's Luchador mask. Bane's dialogue is always in short bursts, but what he leaves unsaid is much more powerful than what he says. He boils down the essentials to their ugliest, barest form. Bane is the only bad guy that really makes me fear for Batman's safety. Not only is he smart and calculating, he is Batman's physical match, and in many ways, his superior. He is evil personified. Not just chaos, not just lunacy like the Joker. But the embodiment of the wrong in the world.


Anne Hathaway, surprisingly, plays a top notch catwoman. She was the part I feared for the most in this film. But she really nailed it, playing the sometimes good sometimes bad heroine. 


The problem with a film like this, and any film that takes place years later, is the exposition needed. Clocking in at around 2 hours and 45 minutes, Batman is a hefty view. But even so, I felt it was too short. This feels like the fourth film in the franchise. Like we are missing the third one somewhere along the way. Characters blatantly state morals or reference donning masks like its a common expression. With so many characters running around, like Joseph Gordon Levitt's Officer Blake, many of them don't have time for character development and need to explain their entire motivation in one scene.


But all is forgiven. The gripes I have are overshadowed by the scale of it. The Dark Knight Rises is a great film. This trilogy has raised the bar for superhero movies and the genre in general. It is deep, it is thoughtful and it is one of the most entertaining films of the year. It can get cheesy and there were times when Bale's deep Batman voice made me laugh, but you won't find a film that will cause more discussion about the coolness of the batwing and the degradation of society at the same time. If you haven't already seen it, get to a theater and enjoy one of the best examples of modern filmmaking out there.


He is risen indeed.


3.5 out of 4 stars


-Christopher O'Connell

The Amazing Spiderman

If there is anything I hate in the movie world more than 3-D, it is reboots that happen so quickly that it still feels like they're continuing the original trilogy. I was horrified that they already set out to reboot the Sam Raimi Spider-Man series. And it's probably because Spider-man 3 is one of the, if not THE, worst superhero movies ever. (At least Batman and Robin can be considered campy.) So here we are again, a brand new Spider-man film that makes some very good choices, but also some very mediocre ones at the same time.

Andrew Garfield of "The Social Network" fame has donned the spandex for this film. He definitely looks better for the part considering Tobey Maguire already looked thirty years old when he was Spider-Man. Anyways, the film follows the plot of the first one fairly similarly. Peter Parker is raised by his aunt and uncle. He is in love with a girl, (Gwen Stacy, Emma Stone, the original comic book love interest and way better choice than Kirsten Dunst), who actually gives him the time of day BEFORE he gets superpowers. He gets his powers after being bitten by a spider, that is never explained to be anything that special, on a trip to Oscorp. Which if you remember from the first film is owned by Norman Osbourne, the eventual Green Goblin. Well, he gets his powers, uses them as a metaphor for puberty, his uncle is killed by a gunman, he decides to become a vigilante and then a big green villain threatens the city and Spider-Man has to save the day.

I'm going to talk up the movie's praises right now. The film is very well shot and the CGI doesn't look like a bunch of power rangers flying around the city. But the film's strength lies in the acting and Marc Webb's dance of relationships. Everyone is perfectly cast. Rhys Ifans is pretty creepy as Dr. Connors/Lizard. I especially loved Sally Fields and Martin Sheen as Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They were just wonderful. And Emma Stone is always a darling. The budding relationship between her and Garfield was both believable and fun to watch. Which is the main reason Hollywood got Marc Webb to direct because of his film "500 Days of Summer." When Uncle Ben died, I was heart broken. It was so sad.

Now let's discuss things that I didn't like. WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD.

The movie was touted as more faithful to the comic books and that's why it needed to be redone or whatever. But they really only changed two things, the love interest, and the web shooters. In the comic book, Peter Parker invents his own web shooters after discovering his powers. His first love interest is Gwen Stacy, not Mary Jane.

They stuck close to Gwen Stacy, that was accurate. But the web shooters? No. Peter Parker's "normal" power is that he is basically a science genius. In the comics he invents the web shooters. In the movie he just borrows them from Oscorp. As in he literally orders the web material from Oscorp and builds a device to shoot them. In like 5 minutes. You'd think someone from Oscorp would notice a guy shooting their super strong web material all over town that they freely advertise. When Green Goblin shows up he could just shut down production, whoops no more Spider-man, that was easy.

This isn't from the comics but it made me laugh. Dr. Connors needs like one formula to perfect his antidote for losing limbs or something. Peter just copies a formula from his dead dad's notebook and says it's his. For real? Not only is he not a genius, he's a plagiarizer.


There also is no wrestling scene. They replaced it with a convenience store scene where Peter refuses to stop a convenience store thief. Who kills Uncle Ben. Again, very unlike the comics. He also never catches the convenience store thief, which makes me think they might bring him back as a villain like they did in "Spider-Man 3" God forbid.


And my last irk in this otherwise fine summer entertainmentblockbuster is one that might be solved in the second film. Which could potentially be a genius character arc. In the end, the Lizard kills Gwen Stacy's dad,  New York's police chief, who operated without backup like an idiot. But in his dying words he tells Peter to stay away from his daughter so she doesn't get hurt. Peter says yes, because hey, the man is dying, you can't say no to a dying man. He ignores Gwen, doesn't go to the funeral and acts all emo about it. She confronts him and asks him if "He made you promise, didn't he?" Somehow she figured it out. But then in English class, a teacher talks about broken promises, and Peter whispers to Gwen, "Those are the best kind." And she smiles.


Whoa, douchebag alert. But potential genius alert. And here is why. It's douchey if nothing comes of it. They fall in love and that is that. He broke the promise but it was fine. It is absolute GENIUS when the next film comes out if Gwen dies. In the comics, Spider-Man accidentally kills Gwen when he stops her fall too suddenly, snapping her neck. If this happens, it means that because Peter broke Mr. Stacy's promise, directly leading to the death of Gwen at his hands. I'm all giddy thinking about how potentially good the next film could be.


On the other hand it could be the same thing with more cheese.


So to recap, the new Spidey-boot is fun, well acted and serves its role as the summer movie tent pole. It's pretty cheesy at times but it's worth a view. But it's genius will have to be seen in subsequent sequels.


2 and a half out of 4 stars.


-Christopher O'Connell


P.S. Spider-Man tells so many people that he's actually Peter Parker. Except Aunt May who can't seem to figure it out despite her nephew coming home every day covered in bruises.

Brave

Seventeen years ago a little film studio called Pixar created a little film called Toy Story.  It proved wildly popular with both critics and normal people and led to 12 more films from the studio, the latest being Brave, co-directed by Brenda Chapman and Mark Andrews.  It stars the vocal talents of Kelly Macdonald, Emma Thompson, Billy Connelly, and Pixar's "good luck charm," John Ratzenberger.

The story is definitely not as original as most of the previous Pixar films, such as Wall-E or Up.  Obvious connections can be drawn from classic fairytale Disney films, such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and more recent films, such as Tangled.  Brave takes place in Scotland.  Merida (Macdonald) is a tough redheaded princess who plays by her own rules and shoots arrows.  She is convinced that her mother Queen Elinor (Thompson) does not understand her...another extremely popular plot point in the over century long history of Hollywood.  Merida's parents (Connelly voices King Fergus) want her to marry one of the sons from the neighboring clans.  However, it is pretty slim picking and she wants to be able to choose who to marry.  Oh yeah, and Merida makes a deal with a witch (don't ever do that!) which results in her mother turning into a bear (another previous Disney movie reference!)  Apparently if someone whom you have differences with turns into a bear, then it is easier to relate to and understand one another.

This is Pixar so obviously the animation is absolutely brilliant and beautiful.  Even by today's standards the original Toy Story still looks pretty darn good, but things have only gotten better with each passing Pixar film.  Just about everyone who watches or reviews Brave mentions the main characters flowing red locks of hair.  Yes, it is incredible, every single individual strand is essentially flawless.  Also, all other shots of the film look beautiful, as if Scotland was actually filmed. Pixar has a way of animating insanely realistic outdoor shots...mountains, trees, water, etc...you'll probably be impressed.  Lastly, I think animated people will still never look normal, but that's fine, I've come to understand how friggin hard it must be to animate humans.  

In case you forget that this film takes place in Scotland, there is an endless supply of Celtic style music. It was all quite lovely and really sucks you into the time period, setting, and culture of these characters.  

Also, I feel that this film and last years Cars 2 veered slightly toward too immature humor.  This includes cleavage and bare butt jokes.  I know it's not a big deal, but I always thought Pixar was better than that and it sort of caught be off guard.  

Finally, Pixar unfortunately no larger has a spotless track record, which is fine.  Perhaps I just have unrealistic expectations for them and being perfect all the time must have been getting stressful.


Cars 2 ruined that record.  It wasn't even that bad of a movie and the animation and Michael Caine's voice were wonderful.  However, it was completely unnecessary and I feel like it was made mainly to sell more toys for Disney/Pixar. Brave was definitely better (at least it didn't get an awful rating on rottentomatoes.com!), but still not up to par with Toy Story 3 and all the films before.

I just hope that Pixar can get completely back to it roots and return to making original stories that are the perfect blend of humor and emotion, perfect for every member of the human race...Now we have the Monster's Inc. prequel (Monster's University) to look forward to!

2 and a half stars out of 4...and I still will watch every single Pixar movie...the company just evokes trust.  

-Joseph Sbrilli

Ted

Ted is the feature length, live action film debut for Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane.  MacFarlane, using his "Peter Griffin" voice portrays Ted, the drug and sex addicted teddy bear to Mark Wahlberg's John Bennett.  Mila Kunis (aka Meg Griffin) co-stars as John's girlfriend Lori Collins.

John Bennett had no friends when he was younger so he made a Christmas wish that his teddy bear would be able to talk to him and be his best friend for life.  Obviously, it came true, because Patrick Stewart (the narrator) tells us that there is nothing more powerful than a Christmas wish, or something to that effect.  This starts out great, but 25 years later they are still inseparable, and the friggin teddy bear has turned John into essentially a "man-child." This weird relationship between a man and his perverted talking teddy bear is beginning to take a toll on John's relationship with his girlfriend, who understandably wants John to be at least a remotely responsibility human being and to love her more than that darn bear.

True, Family Guy, which was once a clever, hilarious show has been, for approximately the past 4 years a huge pile of crap.  It amazes me that it is still on, that people still watch it, and that FOX is giving MacFarlane millions of dollars for making three very similar programs.  Doing the same joke again and again, for 12 minutes straight is not funny.  It just shows that you no longer want to write an entire episode, but prefer to just write 5 minutes of actual story and jokes.

That was my brief Family Guy rant.  Ted luckily is a lot funnier, although perhaps a bit long for a comedy and I really hated the subplot of a creepy man and his creepy overweight son kidnapping Ted, because they were apparently obsessed with him.  Also, I do not find Joel McHale funny.  He plays Lori's boss who is always flirting with her, but annoyed me as much as he does on the show Community.  I just don't find him funny and he always seems like he is completely full of himself.  Also, some jokes were sacrilegious and offensive, which I was obviously expecting because I have seem many episodes of Family Guy in my day.  I cannot repeat some of the jokes in this blog, since that would just make me uncomfortable.  However, just because I was expecting it does not mean that I have to find it funny.  It is absolutely possible to make a crude comedy and still have it be clever, such as Bridesmaids.


Alright, so what did I like about the movie?  Some great jokes and pop culture references which are reasons why I love the earlier years of Family Guy. Ted included a scene where he was digitally added into an episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (Ted becomes a celebrity after he is brought to life, forgot to mention that).  There's also a great spoof of a scene from Airplane!, a hilarious cameo by an attractive celebrity, whose name I will not reveal, the briefest nod to the Indiana Jones franchise, and all sorts of random cutaway scenes and references that people familiar with MacFarlane's shows are used to by now.

Also, I think Mark Wahlberg is hilarious.  I first found out he was funny when I saw The Other Guys 
with him and Will Ferrell.  He is an incredibly talented actor.  That last sentence is proven immediately upon watching him in The Fighter and Ted.  And I just loved Wahlberg going through about 30 white trash girls names, trying to guess the name of the grocery store cashier tramp that Ted was infatuated with.

Two scenes are also in the film which reminded me of those awful chicken fights in Family Guy and scenes where Stewie is beating up Brian for 20 minutes.  I hated those two types of scenes in Ted.  Even MacFarlane can do better.

If you like the cast (and are willing to overlook the fact that Wahlberg and Kunis made kind of a weird couple, even though their age difference isn't even that big), liked any stage of Family Guy, like innapropriate, sometimes funny movies, then give it a shot.  I personally enjoyed it, especially after being able to embrace how utterly ridiculous the plot of the movie was.

2 and a half stars out of 4...I just hope Seth MacFarlane doesn't try to push his luck by becoming a movie director more frequently.  No matter how funny his shows and this movie can be, deep down he thinks he is way funnier than he really is.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Prometheus: Quick Review

First and foremost, the other, slightly taller half of this nice little blog has forced me to review this movie.  I did in fact enjoy it, but will have a heck of a time explaining why because I do not understand science fiction or most Ridley Scott films, except possibly Gladiator and Blade Runner.

Prometheus is supposed to be a prequel to his classic film Alien, which spawned 42 sequels that I have yet to see.  Yes, Sigourney Weaver is indeed that tough.  Scott's latest film stars Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace, and Guy Pearce.

What I gather from IMDB and my terrible memory is that Prometheus was the name of the ship that these characters are on, Michael Fassbender plays a robot, Noomi Rapace gives birth to an alien octopus creature after having unprotected relations with someone whom she should not have, Charlize Theron is quite attractive, and the crew members are trying to find out about the origins of the human race, or I'm assuming there will be even more peril than the movie already had.  If you want a better plot synopsis, or an actual plot synopsis, then type Wikipedia into your computer right now, because I kid you not I was both visually dazzled and mentally confused.

I've heard that some people did not want to see this movie because it was going to be scary.  These people are confusing science fiction with horror. Horror is the scary genre.  Science fiction is the genre with aliens popping out of stomachs, Sigourney Weaver being ballsy, and William Shatner in skin tight attire.

Actually, there is a gross, disturbing scene that I found memorable.  Noomi Rapace's character, Elizabeth Shaw (the impregnated one) must give herself a Caesarean section (C-section, medically speaking).  Actually, a machine does it for her.  There's lasers, blood, and everything (all in a very confined pod-like structure).  I think the idea is that if you have an alien creature in your womb, you will most likely die unless it is removed.

From a visual standpoint the movie is impressive.  There are plently of lovely outside shots, or space shots if you prefer that.  Since this is 2012, and Wikipedia told me, there are thousands of shots that include digital effects.  But, they didn't look fake and stupid, like say Transformers, Michael Bay...

That's really all I've got.  Likable cast, great visuals, intense music, aliens, and plenty of action.

Also, there will at least be one sequel...because Ridley Scott needs money and Noomi Rapace is almost as tough as Sigourney...and she will not be killed easily.

2 out of 4 stars...that's what I always give movies I don't completely understand.

-Joseph Sbrilli

John Carter: A Quick Review

Before Avatar, before Star Wars, before we knew anything about Mars like the fact that it is uninhabitable, there was John Carter.

Yes, based on Edward R. Burroughs beloved sci-fi novels, John Carter is the epic that I don't think anyone was really waiting for. Mostly because my generation had never even heard of it. And I'm sure Burroughs appreciated being in the film and the suggestion that the story actually happened to a relative of his (not).

Anyways, John Carter is an old Confederate soldier looking for gold. His wife and daughter died in a fire, they never show who killed them and now John is avenging them by finding gold? I guess?

Well, the gold is located in a room that magic priests from mars (sorry, Barsoom) use to travel between planets. John Carter (Taylor Kitsch, in another humongous flop of a movie) gives the priest a taste of good old American bullets in his stomach before accidentally transporting himself to Mars. (Again, they call it Barsoom if you didn't get that).

Once on Mars, John discovers that he has the superpower of jumping really high because gravity isn't that strong compared to Earth (Jasoom). Normally, that means he'd walk around like he was constantly on a trampoline but it only applies to jumping, and punching. And only sometimes when punching. Some people go flying, others just get punched. And when he uses a sword all of a sudden his power goes away. You'd think the instant he picked up a sword he could slice through anything like butter. NOPE. Anyone that's normal can block his sword attacks. Until he punches them.

There is a lot of nitpicky stuff, like the bad guy has an all powerful superlaser that he conveniently forgets to use in the end. The native america metaphor species the thrak are the stupidest, most easily influenced aliens I've ever seen. And the love interest likes to say "John Cahtah, of urth" as often as stupidly possible.

On the other hand, the graphics are decent, Taylor Kitsch is amusing and it's your basic run of the mill marraige/war plot with magical undertones. They just didn't execute it very well. Oh and Bryan Cranston has a 4 minute part. That was sweet.

2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Battleship

So what have we learned Hollywood? That's right, just because something is popular, like say a board game, it doesn't mean you have to adapt it okay? Okay Hollywood? Hey! Where are you going with that copy of Monopoly? Nooooo, come back! At least make it a campy cult comedy like Clue! sob*.

Let's get it out of the way right up front. "Battleship" is pretty bad. Not because it's based on a board game. They could have called it 'alien ocean invasion time' and it still wouldn't be a good film. It's a bad film because it is a bad film. But it had potential. Kind of like how Transformers 1 had potential. And we all know how that turned out.

Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) is a bro-douche-stoner-bro. His brother is also a bro-douche-stoner-bro but he's in the navy so it is okay for him to act like a bro-douche-stoner-bro. After royally screwing up his life for what is assumed to be the last time (Getting tazed by the cops) Alex's brother forces him to join the Navy. Fast forward umpteen years and Alex is already a lieutenant in the Navy. Wow, that was fast. Despite looking like a jacked hippy with the IQ of a jacked hippy, the Navy decided to promote him. Even though he has behavioral issues, like anger, following orders, being a douche etc. Well, Alex decides being a civilian douche wasn't enough so he starts a fight with a Japanese officer right before the international war games. A naval exercise which only America and Japan participate in for some reason. South Korea doesn't have a navy or anything.

After the war games it is implied that Alex will be kicked out of the navy for something that would have gotten me a detention in high school. But wait! Plot twist! Aliens land in the ocean, activate a shield that traps Hawaii, themselves and only three destroyers out of an entire effing fleet of awesome ships. Alex and his highly talented crew of one red head and Rihanna must figure out how to kill the aliens before they can phone home.

The beginning is actually pretty funny. As in I actually laughed. And not ironically. It was pretty amusing watching Taylor Kitsch drunkenly break into a gas station in order to get a burrito for Brooklyn Decker (who wouldn't?). Then all of a sudden he is in the navy.

At this point I just want the action to start. Who cares about some hammy acting and stupid soccer games where macho men (and Rihanna) show off their soccer skills to appeal to an international audience (Didn't do any good did it suckers). Finally, FINALLY the aliens land.

And they trap just three ships. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! There is a whole FLEET of battle ships and aircraft carriers with planes and missiles and tons of military shit commanded by none other than LIAM "I PUNCH WOLVES IN THE FACE" NEESON and the aliens trap the three SMALLEST ships that exist in the entire U.S. Navy.

Whatever, action starts. It's kind of cool. Especially this automatic minigun that shoots the aliens missiles out of the sky with a super computer tracking device that conveniently never hits all of the missiles, always allowing at least one to strike the deck and kill a few extras.

The aliens kind of suck at this whole war thing. Brooklyn Decker and a war veteran who is missing both his legs manage to outsmart them and beat one up even though it is wearing an armored suit. Also the aliens look like gorillas with long goatees.

See, the story is that the aliens are doing three things. They are protecting their shield device so that no reinforcements can get in and mess with it, like the rest of the U.S. Navy. They send out giant plot bending balls of metal that destroy anything that remotely looks like a threat. And they are attempting to use our satellite system to send a message back to their home world.

And here's where it gets weird. 5 alien ships make it to Earth. 1 breaks up in atmosphere and crash lands in Hong Kong or Shanghai or somewhere in China. 4 land in the pacific. The ship that broke up was their communication ship. They have landed on a strange planet and they have no way of contacting their home planet. So they shield themselves and look for a means of communicating with their home planet. They then engage in a passive defense. Whenever a human weapon is used against them or looks like it is going to be used against them, they quickly stomp it out. But only if there is a weapon. They act a little bit like the Predator in that sense. And Alex Hopper and crew are doing their best to kill them dead. All they want to do is get home. They are stuck on a foreign planet and miss their home and random jacked hippies are trying to kill them. It's kind of sick when you think about it.

And holy #@%^ is Rihanna's hat still on? Despite fighting aliens and jumping off a boat she does not lose her hat ever.

The action is sweet put it isn't utilized enough. The acting gets really hammy by the end and it is pretty bad on top of that. Not great dialogue either. It is almost like a really long navy recruitment movie. But then it takes a turn for the absolute ridiculous.

So their boat eventually gets destroyed. The remaining sailors hop on board the U.S.S. Arizona which is a MUSEUM.  Which means it has no live ammo on board. But guess what, it does. How are they going to drive it? They have no experience with a battleship like the Arizona. Oh thank God, EVERY SINGLE VETERAN FROM WWII SHOWS UP RIGHT THEN. It was like a parade of a nursing home. And they hop on the boat and start shooting aliens.

It was quite ridiculous. And I spent a thousand words on freaking "Battleship." I don't blame you if you didn't read it.

1/2 a star out of 4

-Christopher O'Connell

Men In Black 3

There is one thing you should know about me: I love Will Smith. I will watch anything he is in and will always tell you how good of an actor he is even if you didn't ask. The first Men In Black was awesome but I remember being so pants-crappingly terrified of the cockroach alien that I didn't even know what it even looked like until I was ten because I refused to lower my hands. The second Men In Black was awesome until I grew up and realized it was crap and my movie taste hadn't fully developed. I still enjoy it because again, I love Will Smith.

So when I say I liked Men In Black 3, its probably because I am a little bit biased. Will Smith makes me laugh and the odd combo of buddy cop movie with an alien premise always intrigues me enough to buy a ticket.

Agent J (Will Smith) and Agent K(Tommy Lee Jones) are back doing what they do best. But it wouldn't be a movie unless something exciting happened. A dangerous alien criminal known as Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) breaks out of a prison on the moon that was built specifically to house him. He is pissed because he has been there for like 40 years after Agent K put him there. Instead of just killing him, he uses a time jump to go back in time to kill Agent K before he can lock him away and knock off one of his arms. Technically he succeeds because Agent K all of a sudden disappears from the future. Agent J finds his own time jump and goes back in time to work with young Agent K (Josh Brolin) to stop Boris.

Obviously the big gimmick in the film is that Will Smith gets to run around with a young Tommy Lee Jones. Josh Brolin nails it. He nails it so good it's uncanny. Half the time it feels like it really is just a young Tommy Lee Jones. He smiles a little too much but otherwise it is a perfect acting job.

And thank god it is there because otherwise MIB 3 would be as bad as MIB 2. It starts off with a "let's see how many jokes Will Smith can make about how unemotional and old Tommy Lee Jones is." And it only really gets exciting when they finally go back in time.

There's also some fun in the retro technology that the men in black use. And although racism shouldn't be funny, a hilarious encounter between Will Smith and some bigoted policemen was comedy gold. Unfortunately for the audience, but fortunately for me, no one seemed to know who Jemaine Clement is. Every time he talked I laughed. I looked around seeing if anyone else was laughing. Nothing. Not many Flight of the Conchords fans around I guess.

Anyway, it's a Men In Black film. You expect anything more? You did? Well screw you man. Go enjoy a slightly brainless movie with the only reason you watched the other movies in the first place: Will Smith. And this time Josh Brolin. And Bill Hader as Andy Warhol. Ha, hilarious.

2 and a half out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Rock Of Ages

Believe it or not I am still part of this blog.  I just took a brief five month hiatus from reviewing movies.

The latest movie I saw it theaters was Rock of Ages.  After all, I love musicals and cannot resist more than a dozen 80s songs and a shirtless Tom Cruise in the same movie.  This is the latest film from Adam Shankman, director of 2007's "Hairpray," which was a great adaptation of the Broadway show and one of my favorite movies.  Alas, that will probably be Shankman's greatest achievement.  Not even an all star cast, including Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Alec Baldwin could make this a quality film.  Then again maybe thinking of the most cliched plot and randomly adding 80s songs to it just wasn't a great idea to begin with.

The film takes place in 1987 and deals with a naive young midwestern girl, who naturally wants to move to California and become a singer.  She unsurprisingly falls in love with a young man who works at a bar in this sleazy club, who just so happens to be a closeted singer as well.  It's not just any sleazy club though, it's run by Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand and is about to be shut down if they don't pay their taxes on it.  This is where a shirtless, long haired Tom Cruise, as fictional rock and roll idol Stacie Jaxx comes to save the day.  Hopefully his star status will bring in the needed money to save the Bourbon Club.  Tons of random things happen and people randomly burst into such songs as "Hit me With Your Best Shot," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Anyway You Want It," and "Can't Fight This Feeling." 

If you ever wanted to know if Tom Cruise can sing, then the answer is yes, kind of.  All he needed was some voice training and a little auto-tune.  I am not a huge fan of his, but he was funny in this movie, and I personally enjoyed his songs, mainly "Pour Some Sugar on Me."  I may have personal issues to work out though.  Who knows? Also, even at age 50 every women who gets within in three feet of him apparently still wants to have sex with him.  There is all sorts of PG-13 sexual references and encounters for Stacie Jaxx, and it's all so ridiculous that I couldn't help but be amused.  Also, another running joke, him putting his hand on at least three women's chests during the duration of the movie, also could potentially lead to amusement. 

The two main young actors Julianne Hough and Diego Boneto really cannot age.  I assume they are merely there to look attractive and bring in that young demographic.  

Next, I love Catherine Zeta-Jones, mainly from Chicago. She proved she had an incredibly powerful voice that fits perfectly in a film based off a Broadway show.  Her character in Rock of Ages was added just for the movie and is really kind of pointless, it pains me to say.  She is the mayor's wife and wants to clean up the city from all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  However, she got to sing "Hit me With Your Best" shot, which I enjoyed.  Why was the choreography so cheesy? Why did this scene take place in a church?  I honestly have no idea.  It's just a catchy Pat Benatar song.

Also, Russell Brand is so freaking annoying that it makes me want to scream.  The combination of annoying accent and being not funny just do not sit well with me.  However, his duet with Alec Baldwin (who is a riot anytime he opens his mouth to sing), "Can't Fight this Feeling" was hilarious.  Who knew that they were in love with each other the entire time?  It's true, they ride on carousels and kiss and everything...so be forewarned.  

I got a Burlesque feeling watching Rock of Ages, which is no compliment.  The whole small town girl trying to make it in the big city aspect, mainly.  Unfortunately Cher was not in it though.  That would have possibly added another star to my rating.  

If Mamma Mia! taught us anything it is that Pierce Brosnan cannot sing and that it is never a good idea to attempt to make a musical using previously existing hit songs.  It will always feel forced and the singing will stick out like a sore thumb and not flow naturally with the narrative, like "Sweeney Todd" or "Chicago" did so beautifully.  

One last thing thing I forgot to mention.  One of my favorite scenes was "Anyway You Want It," being sung at a strip club (Oh yeah I forgot to mention it, but the main girl becomes a stripper at a club run by Mary J. Blige...i don't remember why...).  I am really not sure what that says about the quality of this movie, but what can I say, Journey is irresistible to me.

The movie is cliched, the songs don't fit naturally with the story, everyone is obviously lip synching, and there were no scenes as great to me as Meryl Streep singing "Winner Takes it All" in Mamma Mia! or Cher singing "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" in Burlesque.  I couldn't hate it though.  It was just too ridiculous, but let's be honest I'll probably watch it again before I ever watch Mamma Mia!  

1 star out of 4...if we are being honest with ourselves...Yes I know I rated the previously mentioned two musicals higher that that...I really don't know what I'm doing.

-Joseph Sbrilli