The Vow

There are only two kinds of people when it comes to “The Vow”: those who are going to see it, (or already have seen it) and those who will only see it because their girlfriends really want to see it. And then there are those who are forced to go because their editors think they see too many “manly” movies.


“The Vow” is based off the true story of Kim and Krickett Carpenter. On November 24, 1993, Kim Carpenter was in a car accident that gave her permanent amnesia. “The Vow” follows the same formula, Paige (Rachel McAdams) and Leo (Channing Tatum) are a happily married couple on their way home on a snowy night when they get rear ended at a stop sign. Paige, who isn’t wearing her seatbelt, goes through the windshield. She wakes up in the hospital to find that the last four years of her life have been wiped away. She no longer remembers Leo, her falling out with her family or her budding career as an artist. Unfortunately, Paige does remember her previous fiancée and is at a current point in her memory where they were still dating.

Just because “The Vow” is quite obviously a Nicholas Spark’s style romance tale, it doesn’t mean that it has to be a bad film. But director Michael Sucsy cut it real close. There is one thing that saves “The Vow” from being truly horrible: Channing Tatum.

Normally Rachel McAdams would be carrying a film like this, considering Channing Tatum’s hardest role up to this point was “Dear John”. Usually Tatum is strictly there for eye candy, and he does spend a good amount of time with his shirt off, but his earnestness and care for Paige was real and heartfelt. Judging by the 50 grown women and little girls crying in the theater I would say this is an accurate statement.

If Tatum carries the film, then everyone else drags it down. At one point, Leo yells at a stubborn and annoying Paige, “I’m trying to help you!” If only you could Leo. If only you could. Instead of focusing on the doting husband trying to recover his life with his wife and best friend, the audience is treated to stupid backstories with ex-boyfriends and extremely messed up families. Above all, the film makes some extremely poor dialogue choices. McAdams seems to just be phoning it in; if Tatum decided to leave her no one would be able to blame him. Every other character is just as forgettable as Paige’s memory.

“The Vow” isn’t as good as the true story it’s based on. It’s heartwarming most times but something was missed. The dating scenes are very cute and well filmed but where is the love? Where is the ‘til death do us part? Only Tatum seemed to find that answer and thank god or else there would be some very disappointed moviegoers this Valentine’s Day.

1.5 out of 4 stars
 
-Christopher O'Connell

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: A Quick Review

It wouldn't be Oscar season without a British drama. And boy do we have a drama that is extremely British.
Adapted from John le Carre's beloved novel, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is essentially a reboot of the BBC miniseries of the same name. I haven't seen it but that's what I heard. Gary Oldman stars as George Smiley  an important man in the British Intelligence during the height of the Cold War. But when the head of the organization quits he takes Smiley with him. Smiley is unsure why he had to quit as well but he founds out when he is later commissioned to figure out who in the top levels of the agency is selling secrets to the Russians. They all have code names tinker, tailor, soldier and spy.

The film has two things going for it. It is extremely well shot. Beautiful composition, sound, and lighting all add to the general ambience of the film. At many points, when quite literally nothing was happening, I was on the edge of my seat because the suspense was killing me. The second thing it has going for it is very strong acting. Gary Oldman is wonderful, a well deserved oscar nomination there. Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong and many other actors that can be seen in every single British film this decade push their weight around like professionals.

But sadly, despite the great filming and suspense, there was no payoff. The climax was coming, it was all set to be really exciting and revealing and the director just kind of threw a wet blanket on everything, dousing the flame of my curiosity. It was exciting until it got really boring because I realized nothing was actually happening. And add on to that the confusion. At one point I thought I had it figured out. Well done movie, I said, that was quite a difficult plot that you ended wrapping up nicely in a way the audience can understand. But then the movie kept going for another twenty minutes and convinced me that I had in fact not understood a single thing that happened in the film. Understanding slipped away from me, never to be seen again. I should probably read a synopsis somewhere.

Anyways, well filmed and well acted but too far on the boring, confusing side to have any real impact.

2 and a half out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Carnage

Carnage was directed by Roman Polanski.  Yes, the cowardly rapist who fled the United States in 1977, and whose best interest it is to not come back.  With that being said, it does not take away from the fact that he is an incredibly talented filmmaker.  Alright, it takes away a little, but I'm trying to separate the man from his work.  Carnage is based off of a play, which I have not seen, and contains only four primary characters.  They are portrayed by Christoph Waltz, Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, and John C. Reilly.  

The film's plot is incredibly simple and concise, having a run time of less than 80 minutes.  Also, the entire film takes place in a single apartment, except for about a minute at the beginning and end where there is shot of a park in Brooklyn, New York.  Alan and Nancy Cowan's (Waltz and Winslet) son hit's Michael and Penelope Longstreet's (Reilly and Foster) son with a stick, causing the loss of a couple teeth and some nerve damage.  The two couple come together to have a civilized, mature discussion about what happened with the two sons, one of which in a way verbally initiated the fight.  The meeting eventually goes horribly wrong and turns into a heated argument between the four people, where parenting styles, marriage quality, and general outlook on life is all put into question.

All four of these people are incredibly talented.  I am not a huge fan of any one of them, but I cannot deny that they are gifted at their line of work and they all meshed perfectly together.  The success of this film rested primarily on the four actors chosen to dominant the duration of the movie.  Each is also incredibly funny.  This can be seen with Winlet's character vomiting on the Longstreet's coffee table and later getting drunk on scotch and just letting her mouth run wild.  Foster's character is also hilarious as she gets more and more emotional and is practically balling her eyes out by the end of the film.  Waltz has a complete disinterest in the whole situation it seems and is glued to his Blackberry, but to the dismay of his wife and the Longstreet's.  Having only seen him in Inglourious Basterds I didn't realize how hilarious he was and what great comic timing he has.  Finally, Reilly starts out as sort of a weak character, but eventually becomes verbal, opinionated, and unbelievably amusing.  I realize I mostly wrecked the movie for you, but I feel like this isn't a mainstream type of movie anyway, so most people may not even find it enjoyable.  

Also, if you are expecting a real ending, then by all means see a different movie.  Much is discussed, but nothing is settled, and I was perfectly fine with that.  After all this movie was a coproduction of about 82 European countries, and they frown upon nicely resolved endings.  

I didn't burst out laughing during the the film, like the woman in front of my did practically the whole time.  I smiled often, since the dialogue was so funny, not in an obvious or obnoxious way.  Also, if you like some or all of the actors, then you will be entertained by their effortlessly interaction and chemistry.

3 out of 4 stars

-Joseph Sbrilli 

  

The Adventures of Tintin

The Adventures of Tintin is director Steven Spielberg's first animated film.  The voice cast includes, Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg.

Tintin (Bell) is a reporter who purchases a model of the ship, the Unicorn.  The ship's mast contains one of three pieces of paper, that when put together lead to treasure.  Naturally Tintin does not realize this, but Rackham (Craig) does and wants to get the model ship away from Tintin, so he kidnaps him like any normal person would do.  The captain, a drunkard named Haddock (Serkis) knows all the information about the treasure because one of his distant relatives owned the ship that contained it.  Haddock just needs to sober up, get really dehydrated in the desert, etc. before he can actually be of any use to Tintin.  This eventually leads to an action packed trip to Morocco, where the third piece of of the paper puzzle.

This film was animated using motion capture technology.  Basically actors where bodysuits and sensors and a computer picks up the movements.  The computer fills in the rest.  As many people may know this type of animation used to learning extremely creepy and unrealistic.  In people's defense animating people is difficult, but I feel like The Polar Express and similar movies to that to a new level.  With Tintin many of the actors actually look realistic, which is a major improvement.  Also, the settings, including the desert, the sea, a stormy sky, and the city of Morocco, all look absolutely beautiful, sometimes as if actual scenes were filmed.  

A review of a Spielberg movie would not be complete without at least a mention of John Williams' score.  This man is proves his brilliance in just about every piece of music he ever composes.  Many of his scores are extraordinarily well known, even without the film scene's accompanying them.  This includes the likes of Jaws and the Star Wars and Indiana Jones series.  With that being said the score in Tintin does not disappoint.  The orchestra is constantly adding to the action and adventure that is being depicted on the screen.  Without Williams' score Tintin most likely would have simply been not as much fun.  He seems to know exactly what a Spielberg movie needs in that department.

I've mentioned the action, at times reminiscent of Indiana Jones (I actually read about this comparison on Rotten Tomatoes before I saw the movie myself.  I wish I could have made the connection on my own, but upon watching the movie, it is absolutely true).  There is also lot's a comic relief to be had.  This includes Haddock's drunken antics as well as a pair of inept policemen (Pegg and Frost) who are trying to catch a pickpocket, who I failed to mentioned in the above synopsis.  All in all it is just fun for the whole family.  Although there is a lot of alcohol references and gunfire/violence for a family animated film.  

Tintin is based off a bunch of comic books that I have never read or even heard of before this movie.  Therefore, I cannot comment on how well it follows the source the material.

I enjoyed this film immensely.  Is was action packed, funny, had a great score, and was just an amusing couple hours in the theater.  Judging from the ending there will be tons of sequels, or at least that is what Steven Spielberg and producer Peter Jackson are obviously hoping for.  Honestly, I'm just glad this family movie did not get be furiously angry at how ridiculous and unnecessary it was, like I would have reacted to Alvin and the Chipmunks or any of it's numerous sequels.

3 out 4 stars

-Joseph Sbrilli

War Horse

Let's start this off by saying that Steven Spielberg is the man and I have  immense respect for him. He may have basically killed Indiana Jones but Spielberg essentially created the summer blockbuster. While some may look at Transformers 3 and say that this is a very bad thing, I will counter with Jurassic Park and other such films that can just be classified as fun. But Spielberg isn't always satisfied with fun and has given us amazing Oscar worthy films including my all-time favorite movie/war movie/ film of any genre Saving Private Ryan. Long has World War 1 fallen by the way side in movie making with nary a film dedicated to telling the horrifying story in which around 10 million people died in combat. A war where 60,000 men died in one day. I forgive Spielberg for using a boy and his horse as a medium for telling the tale but I can't excuse the awful romantic mishmash that somehow made its way to the screen. After a brief synopsis I will be entering full on rant mode about War Horse.

Albert Narracott (Jeremy Irvine) is a poor English boy struggling with his family to make a living on their rented farm. Unfortunately his dad is an idiot and spends 30 pounds on a horse that's more for show than for farming. Albert falls in love with the horse, and I mean really in love with the horse. I was honestly scared that he was going to start kissing the horse passionately. Anyways he names the horse Joey, Lord knows why, and helps train him. There's a whole long scene where Albert uses Joey to plow an incredibly rocky field so his dad can plant turnips and pay off the rent.

This was about an hour long, or it felt like it. When's the good stuff coming? Finally war breaks out. Did I really just say that? Yes, World War 1 breaks out right when the farm is hit with a huge rain storm that completely ruining Albert's turnip crop. So his dad takes the horse into town and sells it to a British captain in the cavalry. From there the horse changes hands to the German army, somehow ends up in the hands of a German girl and her grandfather, gets taken back by the German army, then ends up in the British army where Albert, who was drafted or so we assume, eventually is reunited with Joey. It is way more complicated than that and so begins my rant. Spoilers ahead.

-Firstly, the title of this movie should be "gay for horses." Albert stares at Joey like Bill Clinton did at the interns. He was there when Joey was born, like a sick peeping tom. His dad happens to buy the horse for 30 pounds like an idiot because he could have gotten a freaking Clydesdale for less. Albert falls madly in love with the horse and since there is no other love interest in the film I feel sincerely bad for the horse.

-We are treated to 18 instances of Albert yelling out "Walk on Joey!" This would be a good time to point out that Jeremy Irvine is a terrible actor and every line made me hate him more.

-They finally get the field planted and the rainstorm ruins it all. But later, somehow they still have their farm and have a full crop of turnips. I didn't see any other horses, how did they replow that field?

-Somehow, Joey is sold to a British captain who loves horses just as much as Albert. So much so that he draws a freaking picture of the horse to send to Albert to show him that Joey is still doing okay. Luckily, the captain quickly finds out that cavalry charge vs. implanted machine gun nests = death. Joey is then taken by two German soldiers.

-Who promptly go AWOL even though one of them was extremely proud to be fighting in the war. Like all incredibly stupid individuals they get caught and shot by even stupider people who didn't even look for the horses the soldiers quite obviously stole.

-This would be a good time to point out that none of the Germans speak German. Ever. Even when their are no English speaking ears about, all German orders are delivered in English. I didn't hear one foreign language in a war purposefully titled a world war. That rankled me especially since...

-Joey was discovered by a German girl and her grandfather, who again refuse to speak their native tongue and wish to only chat in English with a German accent. At this point I started to nod off, it was like the farm scenes because nothing was happening. Finally the Germans, being bastards that they are, take everything from the Grandfather including the horses. Because only Germans are bad people.

-And only Germans use their horses like slaves. Every horse employed by Germany is overworked until it dies whereupon it is placed in a mass horsey grave. Really? Only Germans exploit their horses? The British and French probably NEVER did that right? Only the big bad mean Germans. One, if you overwork all your horses to death, there's no more horses to pull artillery and two, if the horses die why did you just pile them up? That's free food right there, especially if you're already raiding the country side, no wonder the Germans lost.

-Right about here, Joey watches his best horse friend die. Already grief stricken (or whatever horses do) Joey is promptly chased by a tank for absolutely no reason. The tank walls him into a corner. Why is the tank chasing a horse? There's like 20,000 Germans over the ridge and it took the time to wall in a horse. At this point Joey is pretty pissed with everything and runs around the battlefield like there's nothing left to lose. Almost what I did straight out of the theater. He runs right into no mans land and gets quickly tangled up in some barbed wire.

-Meanwhile, four years has passed, and Albert has joined the war. Despite probably being mentally challenged, he is sent to the front line with his best non horse friend who quite obviously is mentally challenged. They both charge a German trench and are promptly gassed. Albert only goes blind while his friend dies. They both are exposed to the same gas but only one dies.

-Joey gets cut out by a German and an Englishman showing a rare bit of civility for the poor horse. Unfortunately Spielberg decided to say the name of the movie here, a tactic which I hate with a loathing. I'll try to quote it word for word.
"This guy (Joey) has been through a lot."
"He's a horse of war."
At this point my head was in my hands, praying to God that he wouldn't say it.
"A war horse." Both the German and the Englishman look at Joey respectfully. I wanted to vomit. Of course with his accent it sounded more like "Woh Hohse."

-Somehow, despite being GASSED BY THE SAME GAS THAT KILLS HIS BEST FRIEND, Albert not only lives but REGAINS HIS SIGHT. But there's a twist, he has to buy Joey back because he's not an officer or some strange rule like that. Sadly a butcher outbid him. Oh well. No wait! The old German man somehow crossed into France at the war's end to buy the horse that his granddaughter loved so much. For some reason he bid 100 pounds on the horse even though the highest bid at that point was only 30. What an idiot. In a startling display of kindness and lunacy the old man decides to just give the horse to Albert for free. What. an. idiot.

-Albert goes home and he and his family celebrate by staring at each other while the sun sets. The end.

People clapped at the end of the film. I wanted to slap them all. War Horse was so disappointing on so many levels. But I have to say that the horse was the best actor in the entire movie. Sadly, he was surrounded by fools and a level of cheese unheard of. I'm sure the play had a great deal of influence in the film as it rightly should but a movie has to be handled differently than a play and I think that's what happened here. The Great War deserves a better film then this. One showing the true horror of war, not just brief glimpses of it. If Saving Private Ryan took the romance out of war (and rightly so) War Horse put it right back in. But don't blame the horse.

1 out of 4 stars. Mostly for the horses fine acting (I'm serious)

-Christopher O'Connell

Tucker and Dale VS. Evil: A Quick Review

One of the greatest movies I will ever have the privilege of seeing was a horror comedy (Shaun of the Dead). There's something about laughing in the face of terror that ups the comedy factor. Sadly, most recent horror comedy spoofs start with the word Scary and end with the word Movie followed by some ridiculous number. You have to be careful with these types of films, because they may look funny but then all the funny parts just end up in the trailer. Tucker and Dale intrigued me because 1. it had Alan Tudyk who is a favorite of mine and 2. the trailer did make the movie seem genuinely funny. I still didn't expect too much and I certainly wasn't disappointed.

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are two hillbilly best friends. They recently purchased an old fixer-er-up cabin in the woods as a vacation home (that was previously owned by a serial killer). A group of sexy, young college kids head up to the same area to camp and whatever else sexy young college kids do in the woods. (Get crunk, make babies etc.) They have a few run-ins with Tucker and Dale before arriving at the campsite and peg the two as creepy backwoods people when in reality they are just nice guys from a different part of the country. Well one night, when Tucker and Dale are fishing, the kids decide to go skinny dipping in the lake. Allison (Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock) accidentally falls off a rock and hits her head a little ways from the group. Tucker and Dale rescue her from the water but to the college kids it looks like they've kidnapped her. The kids vow to get her back and after unfortunate misunderstandings and misreading situations they end up accidentally killing themselves all over the woods, much to the dismay of Tucker and Dale.

First of all, however unlikely it is that these kids would actually accidentally kill themselves is besides the point, because it is freaking hilarious. Now, usually I am not a gore fan. But in a comedic setting (Tropic Thunder, Shaun of the Dead) I find it absolutely hilarious. When a kid mistakenly jumped into a woodchipper and it looked like Tucker was shoving him in there, I was rolling in my seat. It was great. Blood went everywhere. Add to that a nice little twist in the end so all the kids getting killed off isn't entirely pointless.

Tucker and Dale were a great combo. They delivered their lines well and had a full devotion to their roles. Even if the movie isn't serious it is nice to see the actors take it seriously as well. And for a film making light of death and spoofing the many, many movies about hillbilly murder rampages, Tucker and Dale has a lot of heart. Friendship through all and general human goodness in the light of horrible tragedy. But that may be getting to philosophical for a movie called Tucker and Dale VS. Evil.

3 out of 4 stars. Not 3.5 because I didn't laugh out loud the whole time, I mostly just enjoyed watching the film.

-Christopher O'Connell

"I always knew that if someone like me went for someone like you, people would end up dead."

The Guard: A Quick Review

Redbox and Netflix Instant are really encouraging this movie watching habit of mine. So much so that I start to forget about what movies I've watched and fail to post a review. That's on me. The Guard is a little limited release film that won pretty universal acclaim. The trailer made me laugh and I'll see anything with Brendan Gleeson.

Sargent Gerry Boyle (Brendan Glesson) is a foul mouthed, racist, drug using, weapon stealing police officer near Gallway, Ireland. But he's not bad at his job, just a little immune after a long time on the job. He's a realist, he might act dumb but he knows whats happening in his town. So he knows that all the other cops are on the pay when a group of smugglers start shipping in millions of dollars worth of cocaine. He is joined by FBI agent Wendell Everett (Don Cheadle) who has been tracking the cocaine since it left some South American country. Everett is pretty straight edged but falls for Boyle's racist musings and helps him bring down the bad guys.

There's not much to say about The Guard. If you like small films that are dialogue heavy in an irish brogue you will enjoy it. It's pretty funny, entirely thanks to Brendan Gleeson who is fantastic. You might not laugh out loud but it is a pretty solid film that I certainly did not regret renting.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell