The Dark Knight Rises

"What does it mean?" "Rise." Prisoners chant in an old language, encouraging, or taunting, the ones who risk everything for freedom. To an untrained ear, it sounds like they are chanting for the broken city, This is Gotham. No, this is Nolan. Rounding out the epic trilogy of Bruce Wayne in glorious fashion. It's the rare second sequel, the coups de grâce of filmmaking. This is Batman.


Set eight years after the events of the second film, Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has become an eccentric recluse. He has given up the cape so the world can believe that Batman was the one that murdered Harvey Dent. Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) has to live in the public eye, lying to the people about Harvey's death so that the city can be tough on crime. The organised crime syndicates are dead and the lowlifes and criminals that aren't in jail have moved into Gotham's massive underground tunnels. 


And who is there organizing them? The partially masked villain Bane (Tom Hardy). Famous for being the comic book villain that broke Batman's back, Bane was reduced to henchman status in Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever. Now, thankfully, Nolan has returned Bane to one of Batman's most feared enemies. His plan is to cutoff Gotham from the rest of the world and hold them hostage just to eventually finish them off like Ra's al Ghul wanted in the first film.


Oh yes, The Dark Knight Rises connects very deeply to the first film in the franchise. There is little to no reference to the second film beyond Harvey Dent's death. This is out of respect for Heath Ledger's passing. In some ways it is a bad choice, Heath Ledger was such a pivotal part of the second film, but in others it is a great choice because we have returned to Batman's roots. What makes him tick and if his unwillingness to die shows him to be the craziest of all.


Fans of Nolan's visual style will be pleased. Explosions and grand set pieces abound. Most with the backdrop of the great city of New York. It really is hard to differentiate Gotham and the NYC. The massive fight outside of city hall between the police and Bane's thugs is an epic background to one of the best superhero/supervillian throwdowns of all time. If you are like me, the appearance of the batwing in the trailer was the greatest thing to happen in a movie trailer. Nolan uses the batwing (called just The Bat) gratuitously. Any chance that Batman has to climb into it, he will.


The worst part about The Avengers was the villain. Loki was a very intimidating bad guy. There is no such problem with Bane. Tom Hardy really worked out for the part. The man is massive. And the facemask choice is top notch. Much better than the comic book's Luchador mask. Bane's dialogue is always in short bursts, but what he leaves unsaid is much more powerful than what he says. He boils down the essentials to their ugliest, barest form. Bane is the only bad guy that really makes me fear for Batman's safety. Not only is he smart and calculating, he is Batman's physical match, and in many ways, his superior. He is evil personified. Not just chaos, not just lunacy like the Joker. But the embodiment of the wrong in the world.


Anne Hathaway, surprisingly, plays a top notch catwoman. She was the part I feared for the most in this film. But she really nailed it, playing the sometimes good sometimes bad heroine. 


The problem with a film like this, and any film that takes place years later, is the exposition needed. Clocking in at around 2 hours and 45 minutes, Batman is a hefty view. But even so, I felt it was too short. This feels like the fourth film in the franchise. Like we are missing the third one somewhere along the way. Characters blatantly state morals or reference donning masks like its a common expression. With so many characters running around, like Joseph Gordon Levitt's Officer Blake, many of them don't have time for character development and need to explain their entire motivation in one scene.


But all is forgiven. The gripes I have are overshadowed by the scale of it. The Dark Knight Rises is a great film. This trilogy has raised the bar for superhero movies and the genre in general. It is deep, it is thoughtful and it is one of the most entertaining films of the year. It can get cheesy and there were times when Bale's deep Batman voice made me laugh, but you won't find a film that will cause more discussion about the coolness of the batwing and the degradation of society at the same time. If you haven't already seen it, get to a theater and enjoy one of the best examples of modern filmmaking out there.


He is risen indeed.


3.5 out of 4 stars


-Christopher O'Connell

The Amazing Spiderman

If there is anything I hate in the movie world more than 3-D, it is reboots that happen so quickly that it still feels like they're continuing the original trilogy. I was horrified that they already set out to reboot the Sam Raimi Spider-Man series. And it's probably because Spider-man 3 is one of the, if not THE, worst superhero movies ever. (At least Batman and Robin can be considered campy.) So here we are again, a brand new Spider-man film that makes some very good choices, but also some very mediocre ones at the same time.

Andrew Garfield of "The Social Network" fame has donned the spandex for this film. He definitely looks better for the part considering Tobey Maguire already looked thirty years old when he was Spider-Man. Anyways, the film follows the plot of the first one fairly similarly. Peter Parker is raised by his aunt and uncle. He is in love with a girl, (Gwen Stacy, Emma Stone, the original comic book love interest and way better choice than Kirsten Dunst), who actually gives him the time of day BEFORE he gets superpowers. He gets his powers after being bitten by a spider, that is never explained to be anything that special, on a trip to Oscorp. Which if you remember from the first film is owned by Norman Osbourne, the eventual Green Goblin. Well, he gets his powers, uses them as a metaphor for puberty, his uncle is killed by a gunman, he decides to become a vigilante and then a big green villain threatens the city and Spider-Man has to save the day.

I'm going to talk up the movie's praises right now. The film is very well shot and the CGI doesn't look like a bunch of power rangers flying around the city. But the film's strength lies in the acting and Marc Webb's dance of relationships. Everyone is perfectly cast. Rhys Ifans is pretty creepy as Dr. Connors/Lizard. I especially loved Sally Fields and Martin Sheen as Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They were just wonderful. And Emma Stone is always a darling. The budding relationship between her and Garfield was both believable and fun to watch. Which is the main reason Hollywood got Marc Webb to direct because of his film "500 Days of Summer." When Uncle Ben died, I was heart broken. It was so sad.

Now let's discuss things that I didn't like. WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD.

The movie was touted as more faithful to the comic books and that's why it needed to be redone or whatever. But they really only changed two things, the love interest, and the web shooters. In the comic book, Peter Parker invents his own web shooters after discovering his powers. His first love interest is Gwen Stacy, not Mary Jane.

They stuck close to Gwen Stacy, that was accurate. But the web shooters? No. Peter Parker's "normal" power is that he is basically a science genius. In the comics he invents the web shooters. In the movie he just borrows them from Oscorp. As in he literally orders the web material from Oscorp and builds a device to shoot them. In like 5 minutes. You'd think someone from Oscorp would notice a guy shooting their super strong web material all over town that they freely advertise. When Green Goblin shows up he could just shut down production, whoops no more Spider-man, that was easy.

This isn't from the comics but it made me laugh. Dr. Connors needs like one formula to perfect his antidote for losing limbs or something. Peter just copies a formula from his dead dad's notebook and says it's his. For real? Not only is he not a genius, he's a plagiarizer.


There also is no wrestling scene. They replaced it with a convenience store scene where Peter refuses to stop a convenience store thief. Who kills Uncle Ben. Again, very unlike the comics. He also never catches the convenience store thief, which makes me think they might bring him back as a villain like they did in "Spider-Man 3" God forbid.


And my last irk in this otherwise fine summer entertainmentblockbuster is one that might be solved in the second film. Which could potentially be a genius character arc. In the end, the Lizard kills Gwen Stacy's dad,  New York's police chief, who operated without backup like an idiot. But in his dying words he tells Peter to stay away from his daughter so she doesn't get hurt. Peter says yes, because hey, the man is dying, you can't say no to a dying man. He ignores Gwen, doesn't go to the funeral and acts all emo about it. She confronts him and asks him if "He made you promise, didn't he?" Somehow she figured it out. But then in English class, a teacher talks about broken promises, and Peter whispers to Gwen, "Those are the best kind." And she smiles.


Whoa, douchebag alert. But potential genius alert. And here is why. It's douchey if nothing comes of it. They fall in love and that is that. He broke the promise but it was fine. It is absolute GENIUS when the next film comes out if Gwen dies. In the comics, Spider-Man accidentally kills Gwen when he stops her fall too suddenly, snapping her neck. If this happens, it means that because Peter broke Mr. Stacy's promise, directly leading to the death of Gwen at his hands. I'm all giddy thinking about how potentially good the next film could be.


On the other hand it could be the same thing with more cheese.


So to recap, the new Spidey-boot is fun, well acted and serves its role as the summer movie tent pole. It's pretty cheesy at times but it's worth a view. But it's genius will have to be seen in subsequent sequels.


2 and a half out of 4 stars.


-Christopher O'Connell


P.S. Spider-Man tells so many people that he's actually Peter Parker. Except Aunt May who can't seem to figure it out despite her nephew coming home every day covered in bruises.

Brave

Seventeen years ago a little film studio called Pixar created a little film called Toy Story.  It proved wildly popular with both critics and normal people and led to 12 more films from the studio, the latest being Brave, co-directed by Brenda Chapman and Mark Andrews.  It stars the vocal talents of Kelly Macdonald, Emma Thompson, Billy Connelly, and Pixar's "good luck charm," John Ratzenberger.

The story is definitely not as original as most of the previous Pixar films, such as Wall-E or Up.  Obvious connections can be drawn from classic fairytale Disney films, such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and more recent films, such as Tangled.  Brave takes place in Scotland.  Merida (Macdonald) is a tough redheaded princess who plays by her own rules and shoots arrows.  She is convinced that her mother Queen Elinor (Thompson) does not understand her...another extremely popular plot point in the over century long history of Hollywood.  Merida's parents (Connelly voices King Fergus) want her to marry one of the sons from the neighboring clans.  However, it is pretty slim picking and she wants to be able to choose who to marry.  Oh yeah, and Merida makes a deal with a witch (don't ever do that!) which results in her mother turning into a bear (another previous Disney movie reference!)  Apparently if someone whom you have differences with turns into a bear, then it is easier to relate to and understand one another.

This is Pixar so obviously the animation is absolutely brilliant and beautiful.  Even by today's standards the original Toy Story still looks pretty darn good, but things have only gotten better with each passing Pixar film.  Just about everyone who watches or reviews Brave mentions the main characters flowing red locks of hair.  Yes, it is incredible, every single individual strand is essentially flawless.  Also, all other shots of the film look beautiful, as if Scotland was actually filmed. Pixar has a way of animating insanely realistic outdoor shots...mountains, trees, water, etc...you'll probably be impressed.  Lastly, I think animated people will still never look normal, but that's fine, I've come to understand how friggin hard it must be to animate humans.  

In case you forget that this film takes place in Scotland, there is an endless supply of Celtic style music. It was all quite lovely and really sucks you into the time period, setting, and culture of these characters.  

Also, I feel that this film and last years Cars 2 veered slightly toward too immature humor.  This includes cleavage and bare butt jokes.  I know it's not a big deal, but I always thought Pixar was better than that and it sort of caught be off guard.  

Finally, Pixar unfortunately no larger has a spotless track record, which is fine.  Perhaps I just have unrealistic expectations for them and being perfect all the time must have been getting stressful.


Cars 2 ruined that record.  It wasn't even that bad of a movie and the animation and Michael Caine's voice were wonderful.  However, it was completely unnecessary and I feel like it was made mainly to sell more toys for Disney/Pixar. Brave was definitely better (at least it didn't get an awful rating on rottentomatoes.com!), but still not up to par with Toy Story 3 and all the films before.

I just hope that Pixar can get completely back to it roots and return to making original stories that are the perfect blend of humor and emotion, perfect for every member of the human race...Now we have the Monster's Inc. prequel (Monster's University) to look forward to!

2 and a half stars out of 4...and I still will watch every single Pixar movie...the company just evokes trust.  

-Joseph Sbrilli

Ted

Ted is the feature length, live action film debut for Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane.  MacFarlane, using his "Peter Griffin" voice portrays Ted, the drug and sex addicted teddy bear to Mark Wahlberg's John Bennett.  Mila Kunis (aka Meg Griffin) co-stars as John's girlfriend Lori Collins.

John Bennett had no friends when he was younger so he made a Christmas wish that his teddy bear would be able to talk to him and be his best friend for life.  Obviously, it came true, because Patrick Stewart (the narrator) tells us that there is nothing more powerful than a Christmas wish, or something to that effect.  This starts out great, but 25 years later they are still inseparable, and the friggin teddy bear has turned John into essentially a "man-child." This weird relationship between a man and his perverted talking teddy bear is beginning to take a toll on John's relationship with his girlfriend, who understandably wants John to be at least a remotely responsibility human being and to love her more than that darn bear.

True, Family Guy, which was once a clever, hilarious show has been, for approximately the past 4 years a huge pile of crap.  It amazes me that it is still on, that people still watch it, and that FOX is giving MacFarlane millions of dollars for making three very similar programs.  Doing the same joke again and again, for 12 minutes straight is not funny.  It just shows that you no longer want to write an entire episode, but prefer to just write 5 minutes of actual story and jokes.

That was my brief Family Guy rant.  Ted luckily is a lot funnier, although perhaps a bit long for a comedy and I really hated the subplot of a creepy man and his creepy overweight son kidnapping Ted, because they were apparently obsessed with him.  Also, I do not find Joel McHale funny.  He plays Lori's boss who is always flirting with her, but annoyed me as much as he does on the show Community.  I just don't find him funny and he always seems like he is completely full of himself.  Also, some jokes were sacrilegious and offensive, which I was obviously expecting because I have seem many episodes of Family Guy in my day.  I cannot repeat some of the jokes in this blog, since that would just make me uncomfortable.  However, just because I was expecting it does not mean that I have to find it funny.  It is absolutely possible to make a crude comedy and still have it be clever, such as Bridesmaids.


Alright, so what did I like about the movie?  Some great jokes and pop culture references which are reasons why I love the earlier years of Family Guy. Ted included a scene where he was digitally added into an episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (Ted becomes a celebrity after he is brought to life, forgot to mention that).  There's also a great spoof of a scene from Airplane!, a hilarious cameo by an attractive celebrity, whose name I will not reveal, the briefest nod to the Indiana Jones franchise, and all sorts of random cutaway scenes and references that people familiar with MacFarlane's shows are used to by now.

Also, I think Mark Wahlberg is hilarious.  I first found out he was funny when I saw The Other Guys 
with him and Will Ferrell.  He is an incredibly talented actor.  That last sentence is proven immediately upon watching him in The Fighter and Ted.  And I just loved Wahlberg going through about 30 white trash girls names, trying to guess the name of the grocery store cashier tramp that Ted was infatuated with.

Two scenes are also in the film which reminded me of those awful chicken fights in Family Guy and scenes where Stewie is beating up Brian for 20 minutes.  I hated those two types of scenes in Ted.  Even MacFarlane can do better.

If you like the cast (and are willing to overlook the fact that Wahlberg and Kunis made kind of a weird couple, even though their age difference isn't even that big), liked any stage of Family Guy, like innapropriate, sometimes funny movies, then give it a shot.  I personally enjoyed it, especially after being able to embrace how utterly ridiculous the plot of the movie was.

2 and a half stars out of 4...I just hope Seth MacFarlane doesn't try to push his luck by becoming a movie director more frequently.  No matter how funny his shows and this movie can be, deep down he thinks he is way funnier than he really is.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Prometheus: Quick Review

First and foremost, the other, slightly taller half of this nice little blog has forced me to review this movie.  I did in fact enjoy it, but will have a heck of a time explaining why because I do not understand science fiction or most Ridley Scott films, except possibly Gladiator and Blade Runner.

Prometheus is supposed to be a prequel to his classic film Alien, which spawned 42 sequels that I have yet to see.  Yes, Sigourney Weaver is indeed that tough.  Scott's latest film stars Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace, and Guy Pearce.

What I gather from IMDB and my terrible memory is that Prometheus was the name of the ship that these characters are on, Michael Fassbender plays a robot, Noomi Rapace gives birth to an alien octopus creature after having unprotected relations with someone whom she should not have, Charlize Theron is quite attractive, and the crew members are trying to find out about the origins of the human race, or I'm assuming there will be even more peril than the movie already had.  If you want a better plot synopsis, or an actual plot synopsis, then type Wikipedia into your computer right now, because I kid you not I was both visually dazzled and mentally confused.

I've heard that some people did not want to see this movie because it was going to be scary.  These people are confusing science fiction with horror. Horror is the scary genre.  Science fiction is the genre with aliens popping out of stomachs, Sigourney Weaver being ballsy, and William Shatner in skin tight attire.

Actually, there is a gross, disturbing scene that I found memorable.  Noomi Rapace's character, Elizabeth Shaw (the impregnated one) must give herself a Caesarean section (C-section, medically speaking).  Actually, a machine does it for her.  There's lasers, blood, and everything (all in a very confined pod-like structure).  I think the idea is that if you have an alien creature in your womb, you will most likely die unless it is removed.

From a visual standpoint the movie is impressive.  There are plently of lovely outside shots, or space shots if you prefer that.  Since this is 2012, and Wikipedia told me, there are thousands of shots that include digital effects.  But, they didn't look fake and stupid, like say Transformers, Michael Bay...

That's really all I've got.  Likable cast, great visuals, intense music, aliens, and plenty of action.

Also, there will at least be one sequel...because Ridley Scott needs money and Noomi Rapace is almost as tough as Sigourney...and she will not be killed easily.

2 out of 4 stars...that's what I always give movies I don't completely understand.

-Joseph Sbrilli

John Carter: A Quick Review

Before Avatar, before Star Wars, before we knew anything about Mars like the fact that it is uninhabitable, there was John Carter.

Yes, based on Edward R. Burroughs beloved sci-fi novels, John Carter is the epic that I don't think anyone was really waiting for. Mostly because my generation had never even heard of it. And I'm sure Burroughs appreciated being in the film and the suggestion that the story actually happened to a relative of his (not).

Anyways, John Carter is an old Confederate soldier looking for gold. His wife and daughter died in a fire, they never show who killed them and now John is avenging them by finding gold? I guess?

Well, the gold is located in a room that magic priests from mars (sorry, Barsoom) use to travel between planets. John Carter (Taylor Kitsch, in another humongous flop of a movie) gives the priest a taste of good old American bullets in his stomach before accidentally transporting himself to Mars. (Again, they call it Barsoom if you didn't get that).

Once on Mars, John discovers that he has the superpower of jumping really high because gravity isn't that strong compared to Earth (Jasoom). Normally, that means he'd walk around like he was constantly on a trampoline but it only applies to jumping, and punching. And only sometimes when punching. Some people go flying, others just get punched. And when he uses a sword all of a sudden his power goes away. You'd think the instant he picked up a sword he could slice through anything like butter. NOPE. Anyone that's normal can block his sword attacks. Until he punches them.

There is a lot of nitpicky stuff, like the bad guy has an all powerful superlaser that he conveniently forgets to use in the end. The native america metaphor species the thrak are the stupidest, most easily influenced aliens I've ever seen. And the love interest likes to say "John Cahtah, of urth" as often as stupidly possible.

On the other hand, the graphics are decent, Taylor Kitsch is amusing and it's your basic run of the mill marraige/war plot with magical undertones. They just didn't execute it very well. Oh and Bryan Cranston has a 4 minute part. That was sweet.

2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Battleship

So what have we learned Hollywood? That's right, just because something is popular, like say a board game, it doesn't mean you have to adapt it okay? Okay Hollywood? Hey! Where are you going with that copy of Monopoly? Nooooo, come back! At least make it a campy cult comedy like Clue! sob*.

Let's get it out of the way right up front. "Battleship" is pretty bad. Not because it's based on a board game. They could have called it 'alien ocean invasion time' and it still wouldn't be a good film. It's a bad film because it is a bad film. But it had potential. Kind of like how Transformers 1 had potential. And we all know how that turned out.

Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) is a bro-douche-stoner-bro. His brother is also a bro-douche-stoner-bro but he's in the navy so it is okay for him to act like a bro-douche-stoner-bro. After royally screwing up his life for what is assumed to be the last time (Getting tazed by the cops) Alex's brother forces him to join the Navy. Fast forward umpteen years and Alex is already a lieutenant in the Navy. Wow, that was fast. Despite looking like a jacked hippy with the IQ of a jacked hippy, the Navy decided to promote him. Even though he has behavioral issues, like anger, following orders, being a douche etc. Well, Alex decides being a civilian douche wasn't enough so he starts a fight with a Japanese officer right before the international war games. A naval exercise which only America and Japan participate in for some reason. South Korea doesn't have a navy or anything.

After the war games it is implied that Alex will be kicked out of the navy for something that would have gotten me a detention in high school. But wait! Plot twist! Aliens land in the ocean, activate a shield that traps Hawaii, themselves and only three destroyers out of an entire effing fleet of awesome ships. Alex and his highly talented crew of one red head and Rihanna must figure out how to kill the aliens before they can phone home.

The beginning is actually pretty funny. As in I actually laughed. And not ironically. It was pretty amusing watching Taylor Kitsch drunkenly break into a gas station in order to get a burrito for Brooklyn Decker (who wouldn't?). Then all of a sudden he is in the navy.

At this point I just want the action to start. Who cares about some hammy acting and stupid soccer games where macho men (and Rihanna) show off their soccer skills to appeal to an international audience (Didn't do any good did it suckers). Finally, FINALLY the aliens land.

And they trap just three ships. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! There is a whole FLEET of battle ships and aircraft carriers with planes and missiles and tons of military shit commanded by none other than LIAM "I PUNCH WOLVES IN THE FACE" NEESON and the aliens trap the three SMALLEST ships that exist in the entire U.S. Navy.

Whatever, action starts. It's kind of cool. Especially this automatic minigun that shoots the aliens missiles out of the sky with a super computer tracking device that conveniently never hits all of the missiles, always allowing at least one to strike the deck and kill a few extras.

The aliens kind of suck at this whole war thing. Brooklyn Decker and a war veteran who is missing both his legs manage to outsmart them and beat one up even though it is wearing an armored suit. Also the aliens look like gorillas with long goatees.

See, the story is that the aliens are doing three things. They are protecting their shield device so that no reinforcements can get in and mess with it, like the rest of the U.S. Navy. They send out giant plot bending balls of metal that destroy anything that remotely looks like a threat. And they are attempting to use our satellite system to send a message back to their home world.

And here's where it gets weird. 5 alien ships make it to Earth. 1 breaks up in atmosphere and crash lands in Hong Kong or Shanghai or somewhere in China. 4 land in the pacific. The ship that broke up was their communication ship. They have landed on a strange planet and they have no way of contacting their home planet. So they shield themselves and look for a means of communicating with their home planet. They then engage in a passive defense. Whenever a human weapon is used against them or looks like it is going to be used against them, they quickly stomp it out. But only if there is a weapon. They act a little bit like the Predator in that sense. And Alex Hopper and crew are doing their best to kill them dead. All they want to do is get home. They are stuck on a foreign planet and miss their home and random jacked hippies are trying to kill them. It's kind of sick when you think about it.

And holy #@%^ is Rihanna's hat still on? Despite fighting aliens and jumping off a boat she does not lose her hat ever.

The action is sweet put it isn't utilized enough. The acting gets really hammy by the end and it is pretty bad on top of that. Not great dialogue either. It is almost like a really long navy recruitment movie. But then it takes a turn for the absolute ridiculous.

So their boat eventually gets destroyed. The remaining sailors hop on board the U.S.S. Arizona which is a MUSEUM.  Which means it has no live ammo on board. But guess what, it does. How are they going to drive it? They have no experience with a battleship like the Arizona. Oh thank God, EVERY SINGLE VETERAN FROM WWII SHOWS UP RIGHT THEN. It was like a parade of a nursing home. And they hop on the boat and start shooting aliens.

It was quite ridiculous. And I spent a thousand words on freaking "Battleship." I don't blame you if you didn't read it.

1/2 a star out of 4

-Christopher O'Connell