Cowboys and Aliens

Apathy kept me from posting this review. It's been about two weeks since I actually saw Jon Favreau's latest outing. I wanted this film to be better than it is, or better than it possibly could hope to be. But I was putting too much hope on a movie that has "cowboys" and "aliens" in its title. I should have expected less and gotten more out of the film but instead I expected more and got less.

Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the middle of the desert with no memory of who he is and a nasty gash on his side. He also is the new owner of a fancy wrist bracelet, courtesy of his local shopping mall no doubt. Jake is promptly accosted by several very dirty men, whom he kills in a violent fashion, takes their clothes and then their dog, and rides off for the nearby town of Absolution. In the town a strange woman (Olivia Wilde) takes a special interest in Jake and especially his new Rolex. But before she can woo him with her lady parts Jake is arrested by the local constable. Unbeknownst to Jake, he is a murdering, thieving bank-robber who pissed off he wrong cattle owner: Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford). Indy, I mean Dolarhyde, rides in to kidnap Jake (to torture and kill him) and rescue his recently incarcerated son. Here's where the western part ends.

And where the Sci-fi part begins. Strange lights appear in the night sky rushing towards the town. Explosions happen and many townspeople are sucked up into the sky by very fast alien spacecraft. The attack only stops when Jake figures out that his Timex also doubles as an anti-aircraft weapon and brings one down. A wounded alien leaves tracks away from the town. Jake and the boys decide to put aside their differences, hunt down this otherworldly menace and rescue the stolen townspeople.

For a movie with as ridiculous and very strange, Cowboys and Aliens is fairly straightforward. I could predict with increasing certainty what was going to happen next. When the aliens were going to pop out, what character was going to spout a cheesy line, who would die and who would live. The only thing I couldn't predict was the damn dog. Seriously, this canine switches sides to whoever he thinks is going to win. Even though the dog definitely DIED at one point. If the dog runs off to sniff out an alien in an old upturned river boat and the audience hears alien growls and dog whimpers, it means the dog died. A young child, who just watched the alien try to basically face rape him with its hidden arms before killing a reverend runs around looking for the dog afterwards. 10 minutes later the dog comes back after the humans crash an alien space craft. The dog joined the aliens side and when they weren't winning anymore he just came right on back.

I expect more from Jon Favreau. I needed more uniqueness in the film. I wanted surprises, and not almost seeing Olivia Wilde naked surprises, but actual surprises that I've never seen before. This is a short review because there isn't much left to say. There is a decent amount of action, including numerous cowboys getting eviscerated by odd-looking aliens. Harrison Ford growls a lot and Daniel Craig does the best by being silent most of the film. He had the right idea, no cheesy lines out of his mouth.

Cowboys and Aliens is the epitome of the summer blockbuster. No more, no less. You will get exactly what you paid for, and that is cowboys fighting aliens if you weren't quite sure.

2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

P.S. Olivia Wilde may not be a good actress but she is gorgeous beyond belief. Oh and she's an alien that decides to use Earth technology to help beat a more advanced race. Even though she must have needed her own ship to fly to Earth. Whoops, Spoilers.