Final Destination 5

This will be a short review, because it's a friggin "Final Destination" movie.  Firstly, I love these movies...minus the 4th one which was absolutely horrible, even for a movie franchise like this.  The fourth one was so ridiculously stupid and a horror I wish on no one.  I have never seen the third one, but the most recent addition to the series is probably my favorite.  So entertaining all the way through, and with a couple twists, that I of course won't ruin because you never know where "Final Destination" fans may be.

This movie follows the general plot of all the others.  A disaster happens.  This time its a bridge collapse.  Naturally, there is a young person who has a premonition, vision, whatever you want to call it about what horror is about to happen.  He or she (this time it's a he) looks like a lunatic trying to tell people what's going to happen before it does, but he saves 8 people.  However, they start dying in the order they were "meant to," according to the vision.  Apparently, you can't beat death.  Who knew?  However, if you kill someone your life is spared.  Anyways, people die extremely coincidentally and in the grossest, most violent ways possible.  This was made for 3D so there are all sorts of cheap shots of gross things flying at the audience.  I don't support 3D because it is dumb, unnatural, and a rip-off, so I saw the normal version, but this was a perfect gimmicky movie for it I guess.

I really liked the ties to the earlier movies that were found in the new one and the slightly different plot additions, and the fact that I didn't hate my life, like during the one two years ago.  Awful! And not "Grease 2" awful either...

Anyways the visual effects were actually pretty good in this, including the bridge collapse, and the deaths by things ranging from a gigantic industrial hook through someone's face, getting mangled in a gymnastics practice, and a laser eye surgery gone horribly wrong.  I kept imagining these awful things happening to me and it was truly frightening, and I will never get eye surgery, and may not leave my house for a while.

You know these horrible deaths are coming and that is most of the fun of the movie.  Yes, I may sound really messed up for using "horrible deaths" and "fun" in the same sentence.  But, these movies are made purely for it's entertainment value.  And amidst the predictability for the most part, and the cheesy lines nicely sprinkled throughout the script, I thoroughly enjoyed myself for an hour and a half.

Another random bit of information.  These films aren't known for quality acting, but most of the people in this were not cringeworthy, which was pleasant.

I'm not saying these are quality movies, because they certainly are not.  However, I find them fun and entertaining to watch.  The stories are more or less the same in all of them.  But, it is a formula that seems to have worked pretty darn well for the past 11 years.  It's interesting to see how people try to escape death, while ultimately waiting for their impending doom...wow that was a depressing sentence.

In closing, never ever, under any circumstances watch the fourth "Final Destination" movie.  You will vomit and be angry, I promise.  "Final Destination 5," on the other hand is pure fun, in a gory, gross, strange way.  I do understand these may not be some people's movie's of choice, and that's fine.  Again, this is yet another movie I do not receive royalties for.

2 out of 4 stars.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2011, the-summer-of-movies-that-I-think-are-going-to-be-bad-but-turn-out-being-really-good, as I have so lovingly dubbed it, has surprised me at every turn. The Planet of the Apes franchise is one of the oldest sci-fi series around, spawning numerous movies, a TV show, and a poorly done remake with everyone's favorite Mark Wahlberg. It's been a while since someone put forward a good entry into a franchise that your parents only sort of remember. Rise breathes new life into the franchise while simultaneously proving that mo-cap technology can carry a film.

Continuing the tradition of movies featuring scientists trying to cure Alzheimer's by testing on animals (Deep Blue Sea anyone?), Rise of the Planet of the Apes starts with a simple wish by Will Rodman (James Franco); that he will be able to cure his ailing father Charles Rodman (John Lithgow) through the power of modern medicine. Of course the only way to do this is to secure millions in funds from a pharmaceutical company only interested in profits, headed by the business-savvy Steven Jacobs (David Oyelowo). And the only way to get approval for human testing is to successfully test on chimpanzees.

Will's new drug shows an incredible increase in intelligence on one of the chimps he is testing. Unfortunately, the chimp goes ape and has to be euthanized by security. The test subject only went crazy because she had a child, young Caesar (Andy Serkis). Will's research is shut down but he adopts the young monkey who has the same trait as her mother on the drug: a ring of green in her eyes. Caesar grows up as a human, learning at an exponential rate while Will secretly uses the formula to treat his father. When the drug stops working on Charles, and he accidentally steals the neighbors car, Caesar comes to his protection against the car's owner in a fairly violent fashion.

Caesar is court-ordered into a primate house while Will starts work on a new drug that can be administered through aerosol cans. The reason being his dad is dieing because the drug no longer works. Charles slowly passes away. Caesar, being much too intelligent to be locked up, figures out how to break free and obtain the drug for his primate brethren.

The ape-pocalypse has effectively begun. But the marketing executives in Hollywood have portrayed this film all wrong. It isn't about the rise of the apes, it's about their escape. Their escape from being dumb animals. Caesar's escape from loneliness. They aren't rising up against us to kill us, they are rising up to get away from us. If they wanted to kill us it would be way too easy. Without our smarts, we would have no chance against animals that run faster, punch stronger and climb higher than us.

I found it hard to root against the apes. And the film does a good job of letting me do just that. The rise of the apes isn't preceded by their extermination of the human race. It's preceded by our hubris. The very drug that makes the apes strong is what destroys us. And when it spreads over the world and we perish, the intelligent apes will be the ones left to take care of it.

Rise is a touching film, brought to glorious life by the bottomless pit of talent that is Andy Serkis. His talent has been shown before behind the CGI faces of Gollum and King Kong. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is the first movie to do something new with motion capture. In older films Andy would have to act out the scene with the real actors and then do the scene again in a green room to edit on his otherworldy features. Now Andy can act in the film with the actors in real time. And it shows, the level of depth he brings to animal expressions is amazing. Caesar comes to life and I didn't doubt that he was a real ape the entire film.

I have very few gripes, Draco Malfoy got to utter Charlton Heston's famous line from the original film. But he got his soon after so that made me happy. If you can't kill him in Harry Potter at least do it somewhere else.

The movie climaxes with a battle between ape and man on top of the Golden Gate Bridge. The entire film is well-shot and an example of how good a well thought origin story can be. If this is the future of the world, I am okay with it.

-3 and a 1/2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

P.S. Just call it Rise of the Apes. Everyone will still know what it refers to.

Cowboys and Aliens

Apathy kept me from posting this review. It's been about two weeks since I actually saw Jon Favreau's latest outing. I wanted this film to be better than it is, or better than it possibly could hope to be. But I was putting too much hope on a movie that has "cowboys" and "aliens" in its title. I should have expected less and gotten more out of the film but instead I expected more and got less.

Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the middle of the desert with no memory of who he is and a nasty gash on his side. He also is the new owner of a fancy wrist bracelet, courtesy of his local shopping mall no doubt. Jake is promptly accosted by several very dirty men, whom he kills in a violent fashion, takes their clothes and then their dog, and rides off for the nearby town of Absolution. In the town a strange woman (Olivia Wilde) takes a special interest in Jake and especially his new Rolex. But before she can woo him with her lady parts Jake is arrested by the local constable. Unbeknownst to Jake, he is a murdering, thieving bank-robber who pissed off he wrong cattle owner: Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford). Indy, I mean Dolarhyde, rides in to kidnap Jake (to torture and kill him) and rescue his recently incarcerated son. Here's where the western part ends.

And where the Sci-fi part begins. Strange lights appear in the night sky rushing towards the town. Explosions happen and many townspeople are sucked up into the sky by very fast alien spacecraft. The attack only stops when Jake figures out that his Timex also doubles as an anti-aircraft weapon and brings one down. A wounded alien leaves tracks away from the town. Jake and the boys decide to put aside their differences, hunt down this otherworldly menace and rescue the stolen townspeople.

For a movie with as ridiculous and very strange, Cowboys and Aliens is fairly straightforward. I could predict with increasing certainty what was going to happen next. When the aliens were going to pop out, what character was going to spout a cheesy line, who would die and who would live. The only thing I couldn't predict was the damn dog. Seriously, this canine switches sides to whoever he thinks is going to win. Even though the dog definitely DIED at one point. If the dog runs off to sniff out an alien in an old upturned river boat and the audience hears alien growls and dog whimpers, it means the dog died. A young child, who just watched the alien try to basically face rape him with its hidden arms before killing a reverend runs around looking for the dog afterwards. 10 minutes later the dog comes back after the humans crash an alien space craft. The dog joined the aliens side and when they weren't winning anymore he just came right on back.

I expect more from Jon Favreau. I needed more uniqueness in the film. I wanted surprises, and not almost seeing Olivia Wilde naked surprises, but actual surprises that I've never seen before. This is a short review because there isn't much left to say. There is a decent amount of action, including numerous cowboys getting eviscerated by odd-looking aliens. Harrison Ford growls a lot and Daniel Craig does the best by being silent most of the film. He had the right idea, no cheesy lines out of his mouth.

Cowboys and Aliens is the epitome of the summer blockbuster. No more, no less. You will get exactly what you paid for, and that is cowboys fighting aliens if you weren't quite sure.

2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

P.S. Olivia Wilde may not be a good actress but she is gorgeous beyond belief. Oh and she's an alien that decides to use Earth technology to help beat a more advanced race. Even though she must have needed her own ship to fly to Earth. Whoops, Spoilers.

The Help

This may be my estrogen talking but I loved this movie, despite it being over two hours long and me missing the trailers, and first minute of the movie.  Don't worry, I will attempt to elaborate.

"The Help" is based off an extremely popular book of the same name, that obviously I have not read because I don't usually do that sort of thing.  It was written and directed by Tate Taylor.  I have no idea who he is, but he apparently makes darn good movies all of a sudden.  This nice man gathered an unbelievable list of talented actresses for this film.  That includes, but is not limited to the likes of Emma Stone, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jessica Chastain, Viola Davis, Allison Janney, Sissy Spacek, and Mary Steenburgen 

The film takes place takes place in the 1960s in Mississippi...a nice place to set a story about segregation.  "The Help," refers to the African Americans who spend their lives raising white people and being treated poorly in the process.  It deals with roles of whites and blacks during this unfortunate time in this country's history.  This story is about one white girl, nicknamed Skeeter and portrayed by Emma Stone who wants to be be a writer.  She comes up with an idea of writing a book of interviews about black housekeepers opinions of the white people that they work for and help raise their children.  This obviously is a controversial idea, and these housekeepers are afraid of what they might start, if these stories are published.  The bravery of two housekeepers, Abilene Clark (Viola Davis) and Minny Jackson (Octavia Spencer) prompts many more to be involved with the book.  The rest of the women are mainly privileged, snotty white women...anyways...

I recently decided that I love Emma Stone.  She is charming and beautiful and becoming quite a good actress.  She led the last of talented women as a girl trying to make a difference during a extremely horrible time.  Allison Janney as her mother was hilarious, as she often time is.  She also got to do a nice bit of drama in the film, and I discovered she is a talented crier.  She is no Sally Field, but then again no one is.  Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer also gave incredible performances, as the primary housekeepers standing up for Skeeter's book idea, and dealing with the ridiculous white people that they work for.  Bryce Dallas Howard plays a real b word in this movie, and i wanted to punch her a couple of times because of how poorly she treated people.  I guess that means she's a pretty good actress.  That is of course if that was her primary goal.  Finally, the scenes with Sissy Spacek, as Howard's mother are absolutely hilarious.  She is senile and and says some hilarious things, many of which her daughter had coming.

The look of the film is very appealing as the clothing, sets, and outdoor cinematography all scream Deep South in the 1960s.  I'm no expect on what the 1960s looks like, beyond what television shows and movies from that time have told me, but I believed that "The Help" looked genuine.  Either that or I was blinded by how entertained I was for the entire movie.  There are some some nice outdoor shots of long winding country roads and generally very beautiful images.

Finally, I loved the mix of drama and comedy that was in this movie.  All the actresses were talented in this area.  They were often times hilarious, either because they were giving large amounts of sass, or because they were being incredibly selfish and oblivious, depending on the character of course.  Other times these actresses were in moving scenes showing how their jobs and the way that they were treated effected them.  I had read that some people did not think that the film dealt with the racism aspect as in depth as they should have. I personally didn't see a problem in this area since I felt the movie was intended to be a drama with comedic undertones, rather than an all out, gut wrenching drama.  I guess viewers can decide for themselves.

What a wonderful summer movie.  This summer has been full of superhero movies, R rated comedies, and animated movies.  To some extent I like all those types a great deal.  However, seeing a movie like "The Help" was just a real pleasure for me.  So many talented actresses that were given a great story work with.  The end result, for me anyway was highly entertaining, quite funny, and at times emotional...if you are into that kind of thing.  Although it was over 2 hours long, I didn't feel it at all since it was well paced, and what was unfolding on screen kept my attention.  Give it a try...unless you really are too masculine for it...then I guess go have a "Rambo" marathon or something.

3 1/2 out of 4 stars.

-Joseph Sbrilli

You Again: A Quick Review

This obviously is not a good movie.  You can get that from the trailer and plot alone.  A guy about to get married to a girl who used to bully his sister in high school and having his mother and her aunt also be former rivals is extremely unbelievable.  It's a Disney movie though, so come on.  Partially in the movie's defense, there was an incredible number of talented people involved.  This includes the likes of Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver, Victor Garber, Kristin Chenoweth, Betty White, and Cloris Leachman in a hilarious cameo at the end of the movie, which also happens to be my favorite scene.  What can I say?  Betty White and Cloris Leachman on screen (obviously as former high school rivals) together is irresistible and hilarious to me.  Yep, Sue Ann Nivens and Phyllis Lindstrom reunite once more.  Anyways there are some dumb scenes involving dancing, food being poured on people, and falling into pools.  Wow? Really? would be perfectly natural responses.  So "You Again" falls somewhere in between "good" and "crap."  Not particularly helpful, I know...rent it for free though if you like any member of the talented cast...or don't... I don't get any royalties from the movie, so it doesn't matter to me.  Just compare it to "Year One" or something similar.

1 out of 4 stars...better than "Little Fockers"...yeah most likely.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Friends with Benefits

This is another one of those times where I ask that you do not judge me for seeing a movie.  In my defense, "Friends with Benefits" was much better than "Bad Teacher."  I will elaborate on that later on.

"Friends with Benefits" was directed by Will Gluck.  It stars Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Patricia Clarkson, Jenna Elfman, and Woody Harrelson.

Timberlake plays Dylan, an art director at a small internet company.  Jamie (Kunis) is given the task of trying to get him to work for GQ Magazine.  He comes to NYC, gets the job, and the two naturally becomes friends with benefits, because that's the name of the movie and because each of the characters have just gotten out of bad relationships, and now are soured on the whole dating thing.  They try desperately to not be like the average romantic comedy, since those movies spread vicious lies about relationships.  However, Dylan and Jamie develop feelings for each other and it all gets very confusing and complicated.  I bet nobody saw that coming.

The two leads have great chemistry with each other and are believable as a couple.  I can no longer ignore this fact: I now kind of like Justin Timberlake, and not just for that great Madonna song.  Mila Kunis is also becoming quite a movie actress.  However, the steal stealing takes place when either Patricia Clarkson or Woody Harrelson are on screen.  She plays Jamie's mother, who let's say is not the best mother and has had a lot of men in her life.  There's running jokes about the ethnicity of Jamie's father, since it's really anybody's guess.  I found this highly amusing.  Also, she is quite a cougar, who is perfectly fine with her daughter's stupid idea for a relationship and took the liberty of putting her number in her daughter's booty call's phone.  Woody Harrelson plays Tommy, a gay man who works for GQ and is constantly talking about it and asking Dylan if he's sure he's not homosexual.  After I saw "Zombieland," I decided I liked Harrelson a lot. I didn't think much of him on "Cheers."

This movie was consistantly funny the entire time.  This includes flash mobs, making funny of crappy romantic comedies, Dylan and Jamie tresspassing, climbing, and sitting on the Hollywood sign, and then having him taken off by helicopter, because he has a paralyzing fear of heights, and all sorts of fun things that I either don't remember or wouldn't at all be funny typed out.

If nothing less this movie teaches a valuable lesson about friends with benefits.  Do not do it.  It is dumb.  Actually, the movie almost taught us that lesson... However, it made a funny movie that I can actually recommend.

3 out of 4 stars

-Joseph Sbrilli

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Crazy, Stupid, Love was co-directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa.  It stars Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, and Kevin Bacon.

Carrell and Moore play Cal and Emily Weaver.  One day at dinner instead of asking for a dessert Emily asks her husband for a divorce.  They have had a falling out, that Cal was not aware of, which led to Emily having an affair with someone at work, David Lindhagen (Bacon).  Cal has to go back into the dating world which naturally brings him to a bar where Jacob Palmer (Gosling) is the biggest ladies man ever.  He proceeds to teach Cal his ways which obviously leads to a one night stand with Marisa Tomei.  Jacob is trying to help reinvent Cal, since he somehow stopped caring about his relationship with his wife.  Emma Stone stops by as a love interest for Gosling, and laughs and emotional moments ensue.

There really was an all-star cast for this movie.  I appreciate that, since when I spend 8 bucks to see a movie, there had better be a lot of famous people involved.  I'm a fan of Steve Carrell, and luckily it seems like he will have a long movie career, now that he has left "The Office."  In "Crazy, Stupid, Love" he is much more toned down than he is as Michael Scott, which is good because it allows him to actually act. Carrell is obviously a very funny man, but movies like this show that he can do drama.  Also, who knew that Ryan Gosling was so incredibly funny.  I sure didn't, probably because "Blue Valentine" is the only other movie I have seen with him.  He and Carrell were great together.  I won't comment on everyone, but  Marisa Tomei is only in about three scenes, but they are among the funniest of the movie.  She is hilarious and I love seeing her in movies.  Finally, just wait until Ryan Gosling punches Kevin Bacon...the homewrecking whore deserved...yep I just called Kevin Bacon that...

There are some funny scenes including Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone reenacting "the lift" dance move from "Dirty Dancing."  Apparently that is abosulutely the biggest turn on for women, or at least that is what Gosling tried to get me to believe.  However, any excuse to use the song, "I've Had the Time of My Life" in a movie is perfectly fine with me.  However, the greatest scene in the whole movie, in my extremely humble opinion involves Carrell and Moore at their son's parent-teacher conference.  Things take an awkward turn when his one night stand, Tomei turns out to be the son's teacher.  She then proceeds to freak out on him in front of his ex wife, since he never called her back after that night.  I understand that things are not as funny when I write them and even worse when I try to explain something in person...that's why I avoid telling stories.  I promise it's a really funny scene...Or I just love Marisa Tomei too much.

The movie isn't funny all the way through, like say "Bridesmaid," so if that's what you are expecting, then sorry about that...There is a nice mix of drama and some emotional scenes, mostly related to Cal and Emily's divorce and how it affects their lives.  Come on, you can do better than Kevin Bacon...who I actually really do like, but his character was obviously repulsive in this movie.  I was actually a little depressed when Emily found out that Cal had called Kate (Tomei) a mix between "sexy and sweet," something that I one point was reserved only for Emily.  Bad move on someone's part.

I enjoyed the movie a lot, although it may be a tad long.  But, that didn't bother me too much.  "Crazy, Stupid, Love" was better, at least to me than Carrell's "Date Night" from last year.  The cast was talented and were good for some laughs and some serious moments thrown in there.  If you like the cast give it a try.  I guarentee it's one of the better movies playing at your local theater...yep even better than "Bad Teacher"...crazy, I know.

3 stars out of 4

-Joseph Sbrilli

P.S. Just because I watched this movie does not mean that I support affairs, one night stands, and premarital sex.  So don't get any crazy, stupid ideas.

Gamer: A Quick Review

It must be painful knowing the only movie that people enjoy featuring you also features 299 other men wearing loincloths into battle. I'm not saying I don't like Gerard Butler. In fact, I kind of do like him. But he always seems to end up in god-awful movies with Jennifer Aniston. Or he ends up in a crappy sci-fi that spends more time alienating its obvious audience instead of catering to him.

Gamer takes place sometime in the future. Not sure when, it doesn't really matter. The world is run by a Steve Jobs-esque character Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). Among other inventions Jobs, I mean Castle, has taken social networking to a new level. People can control actors through brain chips and live the life they always wanted in a fantasy world. No consequences but real fun. As you can guess some sick people take this to a crazy level which gets the actors killed, maimed, raped etc. Castle also created a world where players can control death row inmates in a Call of Duty style world where you can shoot real people without dieing. The best player controls Gerard Butler who will be freed after winning thirty matches.

Gamer was marketed as an action film, but the action scenes are so disjointed and confusing I couldn't even enjoy that. Above all Gamer is just a "this is what the future looks like" movie. Mind control and surrogate living. Many times I looked at the world they were portraying and said yeah that could happen. the rest of the movie is just an awful mess that has way too many boobs for an r-rated film. I am so glad my mom didn't walk in.

half a star out of 4. Because it's only like 70 minutes long. Sweet relief.

-Christopher O'Connell