Carnage

Carnage was directed by Roman Polanski.  Yes, the cowardly rapist who fled the United States in 1977, and whose best interest it is to not come back.  With that being said, it does not take away from the fact that he is an incredibly talented filmmaker.  Alright, it takes away a little, but I'm trying to separate the man from his work.  Carnage is based off of a play, which I have not seen, and contains only four primary characters.  They are portrayed by Christoph Waltz, Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, and John C. Reilly.  

The film's plot is incredibly simple and concise, having a run time of less than 80 minutes.  Also, the entire film takes place in a single apartment, except for about a minute at the beginning and end where there is shot of a park in Brooklyn, New York.  Alan and Nancy Cowan's (Waltz and Winslet) son hit's Michael and Penelope Longstreet's (Reilly and Foster) son with a stick, causing the loss of a couple teeth and some nerve damage.  The two couple come together to have a civilized, mature discussion about what happened with the two sons, one of which in a way verbally initiated the fight.  The meeting eventually goes horribly wrong and turns into a heated argument between the four people, where parenting styles, marriage quality, and general outlook on life is all put into question.

All four of these people are incredibly talented.  I am not a huge fan of any one of them, but I cannot deny that they are gifted at their line of work and they all meshed perfectly together.  The success of this film rested primarily on the four actors chosen to dominant the duration of the movie.  Each is also incredibly funny.  This can be seen with Winlet's character vomiting on the Longstreet's coffee table and later getting drunk on scotch and just letting her mouth run wild.  Foster's character is also hilarious as she gets more and more emotional and is practically balling her eyes out by the end of the film.  Waltz has a complete disinterest in the whole situation it seems and is glued to his Blackberry, but to the dismay of his wife and the Longstreet's.  Having only seen him in Inglourious Basterds I didn't realize how hilarious he was and what great comic timing he has.  Finally, Reilly starts out as sort of a weak character, but eventually becomes verbal, opinionated, and unbelievably amusing.  I realize I mostly wrecked the movie for you, but I feel like this isn't a mainstream type of movie anyway, so most people may not even find it enjoyable.  

Also, if you are expecting a real ending, then by all means see a different movie.  Much is discussed, but nothing is settled, and I was perfectly fine with that.  After all this movie was a coproduction of about 82 European countries, and they frown upon nicely resolved endings.  

I didn't burst out laughing during the the film, like the woman in front of my did practically the whole time.  I smiled often, since the dialogue was so funny, not in an obvious or obnoxious way.  Also, if you like some or all of the actors, then you will be entertained by their effortlessly interaction and chemistry.

3 out of 4 stars

-Joseph Sbrilli 

  

The Adventures of Tintin

The Adventures of Tintin is director Steven Spielberg's first animated film.  The voice cast includes, Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg.

Tintin (Bell) is a reporter who purchases a model of the ship, the Unicorn.  The ship's mast contains one of three pieces of paper, that when put together lead to treasure.  Naturally Tintin does not realize this, but Rackham (Craig) does and wants to get the model ship away from Tintin, so he kidnaps him like any normal person would do.  The captain, a drunkard named Haddock (Serkis) knows all the information about the treasure because one of his distant relatives owned the ship that contained it.  Haddock just needs to sober up, get really dehydrated in the desert, etc. before he can actually be of any use to Tintin.  This eventually leads to an action packed trip to Morocco, where the third piece of of the paper puzzle.

This film was animated using motion capture technology.  Basically actors where bodysuits and sensors and a computer picks up the movements.  The computer fills in the rest.  As many people may know this type of animation used to learning extremely creepy and unrealistic.  In people's defense animating people is difficult, but I feel like The Polar Express and similar movies to that to a new level.  With Tintin many of the actors actually look realistic, which is a major improvement.  Also, the settings, including the desert, the sea, a stormy sky, and the city of Morocco, all look absolutely beautiful, sometimes as if actual scenes were filmed.  

A review of a Spielberg movie would not be complete without at least a mention of John Williams' score.  This man is proves his brilliance in just about every piece of music he ever composes.  Many of his scores are extraordinarily well known, even without the film scene's accompanying them.  This includes the likes of Jaws and the Star Wars and Indiana Jones series.  With that being said the score in Tintin does not disappoint.  The orchestra is constantly adding to the action and adventure that is being depicted on the screen.  Without Williams' score Tintin most likely would have simply been not as much fun.  He seems to know exactly what a Spielberg movie needs in that department.

I've mentioned the action, at times reminiscent of Indiana Jones (I actually read about this comparison on Rotten Tomatoes before I saw the movie myself.  I wish I could have made the connection on my own, but upon watching the movie, it is absolutely true).  There is also lot's a comic relief to be had.  This includes Haddock's drunken antics as well as a pair of inept policemen (Pegg and Frost) who are trying to catch a pickpocket, who I failed to mentioned in the above synopsis.  All in all it is just fun for the whole family.  Although there is a lot of alcohol references and gunfire/violence for a family animated film.  

Tintin is based off a bunch of comic books that I have never read or even heard of before this movie.  Therefore, I cannot comment on how well it follows the source the material.

I enjoyed this film immensely.  Is was action packed, funny, had a great score, and was just an amusing couple hours in the theater.  Judging from the ending there will be tons of sequels, or at least that is what Steven Spielberg and producer Peter Jackson are obviously hoping for.  Honestly, I'm just glad this family movie did not get be furiously angry at how ridiculous and unnecessary it was, like I would have reacted to Alvin and the Chipmunks or any of it's numerous sequels.

3 out 4 stars

-Joseph Sbrilli

War Horse

Let's start this off by saying that Steven Spielberg is the man and I have  immense respect for him. He may have basically killed Indiana Jones but Spielberg essentially created the summer blockbuster. While some may look at Transformers 3 and say that this is a very bad thing, I will counter with Jurassic Park and other such films that can just be classified as fun. But Spielberg isn't always satisfied with fun and has given us amazing Oscar worthy films including my all-time favorite movie/war movie/ film of any genre Saving Private Ryan. Long has World War 1 fallen by the way side in movie making with nary a film dedicated to telling the horrifying story in which around 10 million people died in combat. A war where 60,000 men died in one day. I forgive Spielberg for using a boy and his horse as a medium for telling the tale but I can't excuse the awful romantic mishmash that somehow made its way to the screen. After a brief synopsis I will be entering full on rant mode about War Horse.

Albert Narracott (Jeremy Irvine) is a poor English boy struggling with his family to make a living on their rented farm. Unfortunately his dad is an idiot and spends 30 pounds on a horse that's more for show than for farming. Albert falls in love with the horse, and I mean really in love with the horse. I was honestly scared that he was going to start kissing the horse passionately. Anyways he names the horse Joey, Lord knows why, and helps train him. There's a whole long scene where Albert uses Joey to plow an incredibly rocky field so his dad can plant turnips and pay off the rent.

This was about an hour long, or it felt like it. When's the good stuff coming? Finally war breaks out. Did I really just say that? Yes, World War 1 breaks out right when the farm is hit with a huge rain storm that completely ruining Albert's turnip crop. So his dad takes the horse into town and sells it to a British captain in the cavalry. From there the horse changes hands to the German army, somehow ends up in the hands of a German girl and her grandfather, gets taken back by the German army, then ends up in the British army where Albert, who was drafted or so we assume, eventually is reunited with Joey. It is way more complicated than that and so begins my rant. Spoilers ahead.

-Firstly, the title of this movie should be "gay for horses." Albert stares at Joey like Bill Clinton did at the interns. He was there when Joey was born, like a sick peeping tom. His dad happens to buy the horse for 30 pounds like an idiot because he could have gotten a freaking Clydesdale for less. Albert falls madly in love with the horse and since there is no other love interest in the film I feel sincerely bad for the horse.

-We are treated to 18 instances of Albert yelling out "Walk on Joey!" This would be a good time to point out that Jeremy Irvine is a terrible actor and every line made me hate him more.

-They finally get the field planted and the rainstorm ruins it all. But later, somehow they still have their farm and have a full crop of turnips. I didn't see any other horses, how did they replow that field?

-Somehow, Joey is sold to a British captain who loves horses just as much as Albert. So much so that he draws a freaking picture of the horse to send to Albert to show him that Joey is still doing okay. Luckily, the captain quickly finds out that cavalry charge vs. implanted machine gun nests = death. Joey is then taken by two German soldiers.

-Who promptly go AWOL even though one of them was extremely proud to be fighting in the war. Like all incredibly stupid individuals they get caught and shot by even stupider people who didn't even look for the horses the soldiers quite obviously stole.

-This would be a good time to point out that none of the Germans speak German. Ever. Even when their are no English speaking ears about, all German orders are delivered in English. I didn't hear one foreign language in a war purposefully titled a world war. That rankled me especially since...

-Joey was discovered by a German girl and her grandfather, who again refuse to speak their native tongue and wish to only chat in English with a German accent. At this point I started to nod off, it was like the farm scenes because nothing was happening. Finally the Germans, being bastards that they are, take everything from the Grandfather including the horses. Because only Germans are bad people.

-And only Germans use their horses like slaves. Every horse employed by Germany is overworked until it dies whereupon it is placed in a mass horsey grave. Really? Only Germans exploit their horses? The British and French probably NEVER did that right? Only the big bad mean Germans. One, if you overwork all your horses to death, there's no more horses to pull artillery and two, if the horses die why did you just pile them up? That's free food right there, especially if you're already raiding the country side, no wonder the Germans lost.

-Right about here, Joey watches his best horse friend die. Already grief stricken (or whatever horses do) Joey is promptly chased by a tank for absolutely no reason. The tank walls him into a corner. Why is the tank chasing a horse? There's like 20,000 Germans over the ridge and it took the time to wall in a horse. At this point Joey is pretty pissed with everything and runs around the battlefield like there's nothing left to lose. Almost what I did straight out of the theater. He runs right into no mans land and gets quickly tangled up in some barbed wire.

-Meanwhile, four years has passed, and Albert has joined the war. Despite probably being mentally challenged, he is sent to the front line with his best non horse friend who quite obviously is mentally challenged. They both charge a German trench and are promptly gassed. Albert only goes blind while his friend dies. They both are exposed to the same gas but only one dies.

-Joey gets cut out by a German and an Englishman showing a rare bit of civility for the poor horse. Unfortunately Spielberg decided to say the name of the movie here, a tactic which I hate with a loathing. I'll try to quote it word for word.
"This guy (Joey) has been through a lot."
"He's a horse of war."
At this point my head was in my hands, praying to God that he wouldn't say it.
"A war horse." Both the German and the Englishman look at Joey respectfully. I wanted to vomit. Of course with his accent it sounded more like "Woh Hohse."

-Somehow, despite being GASSED BY THE SAME GAS THAT KILLS HIS BEST FRIEND, Albert not only lives but REGAINS HIS SIGHT. But there's a twist, he has to buy Joey back because he's not an officer or some strange rule like that. Sadly a butcher outbid him. Oh well. No wait! The old German man somehow crossed into France at the war's end to buy the horse that his granddaughter loved so much. For some reason he bid 100 pounds on the horse even though the highest bid at that point was only 30. What an idiot. In a startling display of kindness and lunacy the old man decides to just give the horse to Albert for free. What. an. idiot.

-Albert goes home and he and his family celebrate by staring at each other while the sun sets. The end.

People clapped at the end of the film. I wanted to slap them all. War Horse was so disappointing on so many levels. But I have to say that the horse was the best actor in the entire movie. Sadly, he was surrounded by fools and a level of cheese unheard of. I'm sure the play had a great deal of influence in the film as it rightly should but a movie has to be handled differently than a play and I think that's what happened here. The Great War deserves a better film then this. One showing the true horror of war, not just brief glimpses of it. If Saving Private Ryan took the romance out of war (and rightly so) War Horse put it right back in. But don't blame the horse.

1 out of 4 stars. Mostly for the horses fine acting (I'm serious)

-Christopher O'Connell

Tucker and Dale VS. Evil: A Quick Review

One of the greatest movies I will ever have the privilege of seeing was a horror comedy (Shaun of the Dead). There's something about laughing in the face of terror that ups the comedy factor. Sadly, most recent horror comedy spoofs start with the word Scary and end with the word Movie followed by some ridiculous number. You have to be careful with these types of films, because they may look funny but then all the funny parts just end up in the trailer. Tucker and Dale intrigued me because 1. it had Alan Tudyk who is a favorite of mine and 2. the trailer did make the movie seem genuinely funny. I still didn't expect too much and I certainly wasn't disappointed.

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are two hillbilly best friends. They recently purchased an old fixer-er-up cabin in the woods as a vacation home (that was previously owned by a serial killer). A group of sexy, young college kids head up to the same area to camp and whatever else sexy young college kids do in the woods. (Get crunk, make babies etc.) They have a few run-ins with Tucker and Dale before arriving at the campsite and peg the two as creepy backwoods people when in reality they are just nice guys from a different part of the country. Well one night, when Tucker and Dale are fishing, the kids decide to go skinny dipping in the lake. Allison (Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock) accidentally falls off a rock and hits her head a little ways from the group. Tucker and Dale rescue her from the water but to the college kids it looks like they've kidnapped her. The kids vow to get her back and after unfortunate misunderstandings and misreading situations they end up accidentally killing themselves all over the woods, much to the dismay of Tucker and Dale.

First of all, however unlikely it is that these kids would actually accidentally kill themselves is besides the point, because it is freaking hilarious. Now, usually I am not a gore fan. But in a comedic setting (Tropic Thunder, Shaun of the Dead) I find it absolutely hilarious. When a kid mistakenly jumped into a woodchipper and it looked like Tucker was shoving him in there, I was rolling in my seat. It was great. Blood went everywhere. Add to that a nice little twist in the end so all the kids getting killed off isn't entirely pointless.

Tucker and Dale were a great combo. They delivered their lines well and had a full devotion to their roles. Even if the movie isn't serious it is nice to see the actors take it seriously as well. And for a film making light of death and spoofing the many, many movies about hillbilly murder rampages, Tucker and Dale has a lot of heart. Friendship through all and general human goodness in the light of horrible tragedy. But that may be getting to philosophical for a movie called Tucker and Dale VS. Evil.

3 out of 4 stars. Not 3.5 because I didn't laugh out loud the whole time, I mostly just enjoyed watching the film.

-Christopher O'Connell

"I always knew that if someone like me went for someone like you, people would end up dead."

The Guard: A Quick Review

Redbox and Netflix Instant are really encouraging this movie watching habit of mine. So much so that I start to forget about what movies I've watched and fail to post a review. That's on me. The Guard is a little limited release film that won pretty universal acclaim. The trailer made me laugh and I'll see anything with Brendan Gleeson.

Sargent Gerry Boyle (Brendan Glesson) is a foul mouthed, racist, drug using, weapon stealing police officer near Gallway, Ireland. But he's not bad at his job, just a little immune after a long time on the job. He's a realist, he might act dumb but he knows whats happening in his town. So he knows that all the other cops are on the pay when a group of smugglers start shipping in millions of dollars worth of cocaine. He is joined by FBI agent Wendell Everett (Don Cheadle) who has been tracking the cocaine since it left some South American country. Everett is pretty straight edged but falls for Boyle's racist musings and helps him bring down the bad guys.

There's not much to say about The Guard. If you like small films that are dialogue heavy in an irish brogue you will enjoy it. It's pretty funny, entirely thanks to Brendan Gleeson who is fantastic. You might not laugh out loud but it is a pretty solid film that I certainly did not regret renting.

3 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Reservoir Dogs: A Quick Review

It's no secret that I personally detest Quentin Tarantino. Not that I am an expert or anything (which I certainly am not) but the man thinks that he is God's gift to directing. Nothing makes me want to vomit more than a director that is so full of himself that it bleeds through every scene. Of which there is only about five scenes in any given movie of his. Granted, now I've only seen two of his films. Kill Bill Vol.1 made me want to vomit all over the place. I was so bored that I was hoping Uma Thurman would die. I will never see Kill Bill Vol. 2 willingly. The other film of Tarantino's I saw was Inglourious Basterds. The twice spelled wrong history screwing 4-scene epic was only carried by the talent of it's two incredible leads, Brad Pitt and Christoph Waltz. Everyone who lists Basterds as their favorite film should be lined up against the wall, and given a stern talking to. With all that said, crazy ranting aside about how much I hate Tarantino, Reservoir Dogs is one of the best movies I have ever seen.

The subject is simple: multiple "professionals" are hired by a mob boss to hit a jewelry store that is carrying very valuable rough-cut diamonds for one day only. All of the men are given fake names: Mr. brown, blue, pink, blonde, orange and white. The jewelry heist goes awry, Mr. blue and brown are killed by the cops. The rest make it back to the rendezvous point. But Mr. Orange is suffering from a gunshot wound and Mr. Pink is convinced that the police had an informant in the group resulting in the botched robbery. The plot is further thickened when Mr. Blonde reveals that he has taken a cop hostage. The men argue with each other in the small space trying to find out who sold them out to the police.

The film is superbly acted, many of the faces are recognizable but the only real name in the film is Steve Buscemi. The constant sense of claustrophobia, the whodunnit atmosphere and the incredible pacing result in an absolutely fantastic crime film. Which I hate to say because it is a Tarantino film. I'm not giving him complete credit because Reservoir Dogs borrows very heavily from the Chinese film City on Fire, but this is a fantastic directorial debut and any student of film should be happy to have it on their shelf. Go see it, I'm serious.

4 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Young Adult

As far as I am concerned, Jason Reitman is one of the best new(ish) directors in the business. Thank You For Smoking was hilariously satirical, Juno was groundbreaking in that everyone wants to have an Ellen Page of their own, and Up In The Air was Oscar worthy in every sense of the word. Three hits in a row, Reitman was pumping out success after success. Then here comes Young Adult to ruin this wonderful streak. At least he got the hat trick. It's not that Young Adult is a bad film, it is just completely on a lower level than Reitman's other films.

Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) was prom queen, homecoming queen, the prettiest girl in high school and in a small Minnesotan town, the only one who looked like they might actually go somewhere. In between marathons of Keeping up with the Kardashians and guzzling down diet coke like its water, Mavis is a ghost writer for a very popular young adult (ha get it?) series for teenage girls. Mavis constantly dresses like its bed time and the only sign of life in her bleak apartment is her little poofball of a dog.

Then one day Mavis gets an email from her ex-boyfriend that he is having a kid. Convinced that he must be miserable in their home town, Mavis goes back to try and reconnect with Buddy (Patrick Wilson). One problem, he's married and pretty happily at that.

If there is any movie that will make you feel bad for the pretty girl in high school, its this one. But right when you do, the movie goes right ahead and says, "F--- pretty girls, you shouldn't care for them."

Charlize Theron is fantastic as the grown up prom queen. She is a fantastic actress in general but the facial expressions, or lack of, are so real I feel like I'm back in the hallway hoping the pretty girls will talk to me. But luckily, the other side of high school is represented by Patton Oswalt as Matt. In high school Matt was taken out behind the school and beaten with a crowbar by the jocks because they thought he was gay. Now, Matt is a cripple living at home with his sister, forced to limp everywhere. His realism contrasts against Mavis' stupid optimism about her future with Buddy.

The acting is amazing. The range of emotion between Patton Oswalt and Charlize Theron is award worthy. If only the content was as well. Even though this is labeled as a comedy, you won't leave the theater thinking it was. While some parts are funny, some endearing, and some sad, all of it is a depressing look at life after popularity.

I just wanted someone to learn something. Mavis' cries for help go unheeded by even her parents. She finally admits she might be an alcoholic and they brush it off like its nothing. I wanted to cry, someone help her. The only person trying is Matt and she blows him off like her parents blew her off. But in the end, the one chance Mavis has to learn something, and honestly she did, this stupid #%$@% comes in and ruins it all just because she wanted to be popular like Mavis. I couldn't believe it. And Mavis, like the conceited girl she is, accepts it and goes back to her life unchanged.

I was so depressed, no one learned anything, there was no moral that I could see and if that's the point of the movie well bravo Jason Reitman, you did it. I just don't know what it is.

2 out of 4 stars

-Christopher O'Connell

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  Just a shout out to Joe and Chris O (and others) who have been contributing consistently to reach a total of 277 reviews. Congratz and keep it up!

- Andrew J, the site Admin.