Everyone was really excited about Robin Hood because its the latest in Ridley Scott and Russel Crowes lovefest. I was super excited to because the have great movies under their belts (American Gangster, Gladiator), but Robin Hood fails on every level that those movies succeeded.
Considering that my knowledge of Robin Hood folklore consists of exactly two movies: Mel Brooks' hilarious Men in Tights and Disney's animated Robin Hood (one of my favorites), I can't really comment on the historical accuracy but as far as I've heard, Scott created his own prequel to the story most of us know and love. Robin Longstride (Crowe) is a common archer in King Richards returning crusaders, who are doing their very best to burn the French countryside on the way back to England. King Richard dies, and Robin and a couple of his men swear to never be owned by a man again and ditch the army. They return to England and because of some promise Robin made, visits Maid Marion's (Cate Blanchett) house and swears to her father that he'll pretend to marry her because of tax reasons, and essentially becomes owned by another man. The IRS would not be happy. Then there's some other side plots, the new king is a total jerk (INTERESTING FACT: King John was a real king and he was so bad that England hasn't had a king john since.) and his best friend Godfrey (Mark Strong) is a traitor and is running around the countryside with the French killing englishmen and then the French invade and then I slowly choke to death on all the twisting plot threads that have wrapped themselves around my neck. Oh and somehow the Magna Carta is tied into Robin Hood and god it is just so confusing. Not to mention cheesy. The end battle against the French army has so much cheese everywhere that I thought Robin was fighting the swiss.
Robin Hood has so many different things going on, it can feel longer than Avatar. Throughout the movie Robin isn't even called Robin Hood. His name is Robin Longstride and then Robin of Loxley and there is a brief reference to the hood part. I can't get over at how poorly done this is. It is just like Body of Lie, a chicken running around with its head cut off. Except with no blood coming out because they rated it pg-13, what is up with that Ridley? All your great movies have been rated R. Step up your game.
Anyways, that chicken I referenced is still an extremely good looking chicken. Very pretty shots of battle scenes and enough arrows flying through the air that no one really noticed when they got hit. All of the actors are incredibly talented, but that's no surprise. It would be a surprise if they acted badly, then I'd be very mad.
In the end, Robin is declared an outlaw and lives in the woods with all his merry men and starts up the whole steal from the rich and give to the poor deal. The audience goes yes! finally! and then the movie ends. Go watch the Disney version again and enjoy some good old fashioned good against evil tales.
2 out of 4 stars
-Christopher O'Connell
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