Friday the 13th (2009): A Quick Review

The original "Friday the 13th" from 1980 wasn't a great movie. It was camp-y, simple, predictable, and more violent than genuinely scary. But at the very least it was an entertaining 1980s slasher movie...which spawned so many sequels it's ridiculous. The new "Friday the 13th" is a combination of the first four movies in the series. The result is nowhere as good as the original. The original made a little bit of sense...this new one does not....at all. Who the heck would continue going to Camp Crystal Lake after Jason Vorhees (and his mother) has hacked, dismembered, or otherwise violently killed every single person to set foot near the camp in the last twenty-nine years? The answer: the unbelievably stupid teenagers in the newest incarnation of the movie franchise. They were all so unbelievably annoying and really should have kept their clothes on...once they come off it's mere seconds before they are bloody and dying...just a fun little fact about horror movies. Almost every single person is unlikeable/drunk/high/making awful decisions/etc. Just about everyone dies...oops...sorry, I ruined the movie. And by the way, the beginning of this movie ruins the original...so see the original first. The plot is pretty non-existent, most of the cast is awful, and the music at times just got me in a bad mood. So yeah, it's your typical slasher movie...not a horror movie...a slasher. There is a difference - slashers are just violent and bloody whereas horror movies actually have a plot and characters that lead to genuine scares and suspense. These are often psychological or a little demonic depending on the movie. So quite honestly if you are thinking to yourself "I want to watch a horror movie. Why don't I rent the new "Friday the 13th." Don't do it (unless it only costs you a dollar)...rent "Psycho," "The Exorcist," "Jaws," "The Shining," "Poltergeist," etc. It will be a better use of your money and "Psycho" may be the greatest movie ever made because Alfred Hitchcock is an amazing director...hmm kind of got off track from the movie actually being reviewed...But the main point of this review is that there is no legitimate reason to see this movie because it is awful and of course Michael Bay would produce it.

-Joseph Sbrilli