The Exorcist: A Quick Review

"The Exorcist," according to the DVD box is "The Scariest Movie of All Time."  This is probably true, but I suppose it all depends on who you talk to.  I personally love this movie and it's my second favorite horror movie of all time.  It was released in 1973, was directed by William Friedkin, and won the Academy Awards for Best Adapted Screenplay and Sound (it was nominated for 10 in all...including Best Picture).  I'd say it deserved both it's wins.  It stars Ellen Burstyn, Max von Sydow, Jason Miller, Lee J. Cobb, and Linda Blair.  Regan McNeil (Linda Blair) is possessed by at demon.  At first people think it's something psychological, but that ends up being completely wrong.  Her mother, Chris McNeil (Ellen Burstyn) wants to know what's going on so she enlists the help of some priests, Father Damien Karras and Father Lankester Merrin (Jason Miller and Max von Sydow) to exorcise the demon from Regan.  The end result is of course an American movie classic.  This film boasts strong performances by all cast members.  Ellen Burstyn in particular is great in her role of a mother trying to cope with her daughter being possessed and still loving her all through the horrible experience.  She shows a great range of emotions throughout the film and I personally would have given her an Oscar, but maybe that's just me.  Linda Blair was impressive as well, showing the gradual physical and mental change as the demon started gaining more control of her body.  And Max von Sydow is just a fantastic actor and always a pleasure to watch...just thought I would add that in because I love this man.  The score and the dark lighting both effectively add to the dark, disturbing feel of the movie.  Cinematography is another high point of the movie...and this movie has several high points.  The movie looks beautiful...I mean if a horror movie can be described as looking beautiful.  I guess that could be a debatable point.  Great camera angles, tracking shots, which I really love, and several other great work courtesy of the man behind the camera and William Friedkin's directing skills...which are plentiful. The special effects were great as well...you got to love 1970s special effects...I was impressed.  If you like horror movies, then definitely see this.  Everything about it is great and I love raving about my favorite movies.  Everyone needs to experience the pea soup scene at the very least.  Just a heads up, "The Exorcist" is disturbing in parts...mainly a scene involving a crucifix and Regan does indeed swear like a sailor...in her defense she was possessed by a demon at the time.  I guess she couldn't help it.  

-Joseph Sbrilli

Misery: A Quick Review

Well, first "Misery" is one of my favorite movies in the entire world and one day I am owning the special edition DVD.  It came out in 1990 and was directed by Rob Reiner, who's a great director by the way and I highly recommend his movies.  It's a really strange follow-up to Reiner's "When Harry Met Sally..."...a great movie that you all should see.  "Misery" is a fantastic movie and was based off a Stephen King book.  We all know that some Stephen King books adapted into movies are horrible...except movies such as "The Shining" and "The Shawshank Redemption"...both of which are amazing and I love them with every fiber of my being...Well anyways "Misery" stars Kathy Bates and James Caan.  These two get most of the screen time.  Lauren Bacall also has a decent sized role.  James Caan plays Paul Sheldon...he writes novels.  Kathy Bates plays Annie Wilkes...she loves Paul Sheldon's novels.  Paul Sheldon gets into a car accident in a blizzard and Annie brings him back to her house to nurse him back to health.  It's really a shame that Annie took him back to her house because not only is she his biggest fan...but she's also psychotic and will do whatever it takes to keep Paul was leaving her house...apparently Paul shouldn't have killed off "Misery," the popular character in his series of books.  Kathy Bates may have given one of the most chilling, incredible performances recorded on film, in "Misery."  She certainly earned her Best Actress Academy Award.  She looks normal and nice enough then you are thrown for a curve ball and realize, shortly after James Caan does, that she's crazy.  Kathy Bates does it flawlessly and this was the movie that made her one of my favorite actresses.  James Caan is great as well and the perfect counterpart to Kathy Bates.  The majority of the scenes take place in Annie's house with her and Paul.  And of course a thriller wouldn't be a thriller without a chilling score.  I haven't seen this movie since last summer, but I'm assuming the score was great or else I wouldn't have loved this movie as much as I do.  See this movie!  See it for Kathy Bates at least...and if you happen to like Rob Reiner and/or James Caan you'll be in for a great time.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Kick-Ass

As I quietly made my way into the theatre, knowing full well I was going alone to a movie based off of a comic book that only hardcore comic enthusiasts have heard about, I couldn’t help but feeling extremely torn about this movie. On the one hand I had Roger Ebert’s review trashing Kick-Ass swirling around my head and on the other all of my friend’s positive reviews of the film.

Kick-Ass follows the life of high school loser Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) who, after reading too many comics and getting mugged one too many times, wonders why no one has ever donned a superhero costume and fought bad guys. To which his friends reply, “Because you’d get your ass kicked.”

Dave ignores his friend’s words of wisdom and orders himself a superhero costume that makes him look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle without a shell. He sets out to fight crime, gets promptly stabbed and hit by a car. His injuries were fixed with metal plates and left his nerve endings so shot that his ability to feel pain is almost gone. He starts to actually have success as a superhero and becomes a New York City phenomenon.

In his travels he encounters Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz), a knife-wielding, fun sized hero trained to kill people by exactly the kind of person you would expect to teach an 11-year-old girl that sort of thing. Yes, I am talking about Nicholas Cage, who takes on the role of Big Daddy, who is 20% Batman and 250% Punisher. Together they are out to stop crime boss Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong).

With a title as subtle as “Kick-Ass,” the audience is expecting at least one thing: there better be some ass kicking. Kick-Ass has some pretty good action sequences, all shot in a comic book style that is easily recognizable and isn’t vomit inducing. There is no shaky camera running around the scene like a squirrel with epilepsy. And the climactic end battle is epically brutal and deliciously satisfying.

That said, Kick-Ass is a little long and every scene needs to be rescued from its main character. Mostly by the likes of Clark Duke (Hot Tub Time Machine), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Fogel from Superbad), and even Nicholas Cage, who is surprisingly not annoying and works well within the film.

The main problem with Kick-Ass is that it doesn’t really know what it is. Is it a satire of superhero films? Is it supposed to be serious? If so, how should I react to an 11-year-old girl killing everyone in sight? And, how hard can it be to be a superhero if you have more guns than the U.S. Army?

I expect that all the people that were going to see Kick-Ass already have, but if you are looking for mindless fun that delivers exactly what you’d expect, give Kick-Ass a try.

2 and a half out of four stars

-Christopher O’Connell

The Back-Up Plan

The Back-up Plan starring J-Lo might be one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

I'm a girl, and normally I'm a sucker for cute romance movies. However, this one was way too predictable, and the actual story would never happen in real life.

Here's the plot, sorry guys, yes I'm going to spoil everything, but it's not like you wouldn't be able to predict it if you started watching it anyways!

Jennifer Lopez plays Zoe, a girl who has never found "the one" and think she's never going to find a husband and start a family. So, she wants to make her own baby. Smart, right? Just go to the doctor and use a random sperm doner, and whabam! J-Lo got preggo.

However, of course she ended up just running into the man of her dreams in a random cab. Once they met, the guy automatically liked her. In real life, this would never happen. As if that romance wasn't enough, of course Zoe ran into mr. loverboy a second time.
They end up going on a bunch of very lame dates. Eventually, they have sex, and she decides to tell him she's actually pregnant. He decides to stay with her. At the end, she ends up having cute twin babies, and the man asks her to marry him.

Throughout the movie, you will get to witness a bunch of really bad acting, and some disgusting scenes(including Zoe's dog eating her pregnancy test, then Zoe finding the plus sign in the dog's throw up, a little boy holding a piece of poop, Zoe stuffing her face with disgusting food in order to control her cravings, Zoe searching through a dumpster to find a pillow she likes sleeping with and a woman from a single mothers support group giving live birth in a kiddie swimming pool).

I think I've said enough. Having watched this movie, I think I can wait a long while until I decide to have babies. The only good thing about the movie might be the numerous shots of J-Lo's butt.

Half a star out of four

-Addy Stamenova

Steel Magnolias: A Quick Review

"Steel Magnolias," released in 1989 was directed by Herbert Ross.  It stars Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, and Julia Roberts.  Yes, this is essentially a chick flick...just a lot better than most...and yes, this is an extremely impressive list of talented actresses and that was my reason for wanting to see the movie.  All of the actors in this movie are tremendously overshadowed by the actresses, because the movie is all about them, so I won't bother to list the actors here, they all just play the husbands of the leads.  "Steel Magnolias" is set in the South, with several scenes involving the core group of friends/confidents/etc. taking place in a beauty parlor run by Truvy Jones (Dolly Parton).  Well anyways she hires Annelle Dupuy (Daryl Hannah).  Truvy, Annelle, Louise Boudreaux (Shirley MacLaine), M'Lynn Eatenton (Sally Field), and Clairee Belcher (Olympia Dukakis) are the best of friends.  Shelby (Julia Roberts), M'Lynn's daughter, is newly married and is expecting a child.  However, this could prove to be extremely life threatening because of her diabetes.  This is the center of the drama in the movie.  Amid the drama there are several funny lines throughout the movie.  The six main actresses have fantastic chemistry and interact very naturally with each other.  I'm not a fan of Julia Roberts, although she did get an Oscar nomination for this, but she wasn't bad in "Steel Magnolias".  I'm not a huge Daryl Hannah fan either.  But, the other four women are fantastic.  Overall I liked the movie.  It wasn't drawn out and I didn't feel like the drama or anything came off as fake.  I normally steer clear of chick flicks of any kind because they are horrible, but every so often a movie comes along like "Dirty Dancing", "When Harry Met Sally...", or "Ghost" that are actually good and worth watching.  I would put "Steel Magnolias" on that small list of chick flicks that I like.  It's not Oscar worthy...but not every movie is.  The lead actresses make the movie.  If you like any of these actresses, then give the movie a try...they are they main thing this movie has going for it.

-Joseph Sbrilli      

Jaws

"Jaws" is my third favorite movie of all time...in case anyone was wondering...after "Psycho" and "12 Angry Men."  "Jaws," was released in 1975 and was directed by a young Steven Spielberg....who would soon become one of the greatest American directors of all time.  This of course is completely ignoring "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," which as I have mentioned before is all George Lucas' fault.

When Jaws was released it not all made nearly every American scared to go anywhere near the ocean it also became the first summer blockbuster.  This classic and amazing movie has a great cast which includes Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss, and Lorraine Gary (Ellen Brody).

I assume most know the story but I will briefly go into it.  It takes place on the fictional, Amity Island...Theres a shark (Jaws!) nearby that is terrorizing...and eating people.  This all starts with a stupid drunk girl who wandered into the ocean late at night, with little clothing on...of course she gets eaten...and you really don't have any sympathy for her because she is ridiculous.  Some of the other victims do warrant sympathy.  Everyone is scared of the ocean and for good reason.  Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), the chief policeman wants the beaches to be shut down.  Amity Isand is a vacation town and the greedy mayor will have none of this losing money nonsense...what an idiot...apparently he doesn't care about the citizens of his town. Well anyway Martin Brody along with a fish expert, who is partial to sharks, Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and a professional shark hunter, Quint (Robert Shaw) are put in charge of finding and killing Jaws.

  This movie is great...and that's an understatement.  Everything about it is.  There is great suspense throughout the entire thing.  The shark is not even seen for the first part of the movie, adding to the suspense and several camera shots are from the sharks point of view which makes it even better.  Everything is just leading up to that great final scene that should be ingrained in everyone's minds for all of eternity. Very true the shark is fake and mechanical. But, come on guys for 1975 it was all that they had and they did a darn good job with it.

I can't write this review without mentioning the music.  The "Jaws" theme is probably one of the most recognizable in film history...similar to how well known the "Raider of the Lost Ark" theme is.  Both were scored by the amazing composer, John Williams.  Much of the success of "Jaws" should be credited to John Williams.  It is fantastic, suspenseful, gripping, memorable...and any other really good adjective you can think of.  Right from the start of "Jaws" people are sucked in by the memorable score that makes the shark attacks even more terrifying.  It would have been a really sad thing had someone else scored the movie because it would not have been that great.  Luckily, John Williams scores pretty much all Steven Spielberg's movies and each one is amazing and perfectly compliments the film.  Alright, I needed to get that out of my system.  I love John Williams almost as much as I love Bernard Herrmann.

  If you haven't seen this movie yet...you should...it's one of those things that every human being should experience multiple times in life.  35 years later people are still watching it and loving it and it's regarding as an American classic and according to the American Film Institute it is one of the top 100 films...which of course it is.

Oh, and by the way "Jaws"...one of the greatest movies, spawned some of the most horrible sequels that any human being ever thought of making.  I guess that's why Steven Spielberg  steered clear of all of them...they are so horrendous and awful and I swear that the budget was cut by half with each sequel and Jaws definitely roared in "Jaws: The Revenge," you know after following Ellen Brody to the Bahamas which doesn't make sense in any way, shape or form.  I had to get that out of my system too.  It's ridiculous how greedy Hollywood is and how much they love to sell out.

Ok, I'm done ranting.  "Jaws" is amazing.  Watch it.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Death Becomes Her: A Quick Review

"Death Becomes Her," directed by Robert Zemeckis ("Forrest Gump") was released in 1992.  It stars Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, and Bruce Willis.  As you can see by the release date this was a good 12 years before Robert Zemeckis went crazy and started to only make motion capture movies.  He used to make such great movies..."Death Becomes Her" is still special effects heavy though, since that is Robert Zemeckis' thing.  Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn play Madeline Ashton and Helen Sharp.  Madeline stole Helen's fiance, Dr. Ernest Menville (Bruce Willis) from her.  Madeline and Ernest got married instead.  To say the least the two woman's relationship isn't the greatest...Helen would very much like to have Madeline dead.  14 years go by...the movie starts in 1978 and Helen is looking all young and what not and Madeline not so much.  As it turns out Helen took some crazy potion years ago that made it so she would stay young forever.  Madeline takes the same thing.  Both end up getting killed, except not because of the aforementioned potion...they are slightly maimed, and have no heart beats, but are still living.  They both find out that trying to kill each other at this point in time is completely futile.  That's the general idea.  The cast was great in this movie.  Meryl Streep can do anything as far as movie roles go.  She's proven this about 107 times so far to us.  She was very funny in this movie and had great chemistry with Goldie Hawn.  This is the first thing I have seen Goldie Hawn in, but I found out that she's a good actress.  Bruce Willis still had hair at this point, which is strange.  He definitely plays the most uninteresting and weak character in the movie and a couple times screams like a woman...I kid you not...but he does a great job, because he is Bruce Willis and all and is a good counterpart to both Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn.  The special effects in this movie are great...they won an Acadmey Award actually...we get to see Goldie Hawn with a giant bullet wound to the chest...still living don't forget and Meryl Streep head twisted around after a pretty bad fall...that would have killed the normal person, among other great uses of special effects.  I mind as well mention the score, since I love film scores.  It was done by Alan Silvestri and was great and contributed to a dark atmosphere...since this is in fact a dark comedy...A couple parts of the movie were boring and drawn out and the movie is definitely a strange one...I enjoyed it though...then again I enjoy most things that Meryl Streep is in...This movie definitely isn't for everyone.  This was also a Youtube viewing experience...just like "She-Devil"...I wouldn't have wanted to spend money on either...but they were fun to watch...and I got a couple good doses of Meryl Streep...

-Joseph Sbrilli  

She-Devil: A Quick Review

I assume that the majority of people were not aware that Meryl Streep and Roseanne Barr made a movie together.  This one time event occured in 1989 in the form of "She-Devil," directed by Susan Seidelman.  The movie also stars Ed Begley Jr.  Roseanne Barr and Ed Begley Jr play Ruth and Bob Patchett.  Bob decides he's going to leave Ruth for a famous, wealthy romance novelist, Mary Fisher (Meryl Streep).  This of course completely screwed up his whole family and he eventually starts cheating on Mary Fisher.  Well anyways, Ruth doesn't like the whole homewrecking thing that is going on, so she makes the executive decision to make Bob's life a living hell, by taking away his self-proclaimed Four Assets of Life: His home, family, career, and freedom.  This all starts when she burns the family house down and continues throughout the remainder of the movie.  So I was very curious how this movie was going to turn out.  I love Meryl Streep and Roseanne Barr so I had to give it a try, and honestly it wasn't that bad.  Roseanne is very funny, as usual, and was perfect as a wife taking revenge on her unfaithful husband.  Ed Begley Jr played a horrible excuse for a man and got just about everything he deserved.  Meryl Streep proved that she is extremely capable of doing comedy and has several funny scenes during the movie.  She was great as the homewrecker, who slowly goes crazy as her idylic life life unravels.  The movie is overall very dark and everything is complimented by a great Howard Shore score, which adds to the dark tone.  This movie is very strange and has gotten mostly bad reviews...and those of you who do not like Meryl Streep or Roseanne Barr would really have no logical reason to see the movie.  However, I personally found it definitely entertaining and the two lead actresses made it worth it...and I watched it on Youtube so I didn't put any money down.  If you're curious....give it a try...and yeah I got to say that that poster probably would not want to make people see it...

-Joseph Sbrilli    

Jerry Maguire: A Quick Review

I usually don't like Tom Cruise, I find him incredibly annoying...just take a look at him...but I watched "Jerry Maguire" in spite of that because I am semi-open minded when it comes to movies...only semi...

I got to say he came through in this one.  "Jerry Maguire" came out in 1996 and was written and directed by Cameron Crowe.  It stars Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding Jr., Regina Hall, and Bonnie Hunt.  The movie was nominated for 6 Academy Awards and won one...for Cuba Gooding Jr. as Best Supporting Actor.

Tom Cruise plays Jerry Maguire, a sports agent.  He's fired from his old job and starts his own company, taking Renee Zellweger's character, Dorothy Boyd along for the ride.  Jerry signs a famous (though completely fictional) football player on to his company.  This is where Cuba Gooding Jr. comes in as Rod Tidwell.  Regina Hall plays his wife and Bonnie Hunt plays Dorothy Boyd's sister.  They both have names, but I don't feel like finding them.  Anyway Dorothy Boyd and Jerry Maguire are thrown into a ridiculusly fast moving and flawed relationship.  I guess that happens when your ex-fiance brutally punches you in the face (this happens to Jerry Macguire.  Dorothy Boyd is widowed and has a young son).  Yeah, horrible and random plot description. If you don't like it then go to Wikipedia and they would be happy to ruin the entire movie for you.

The whole cast was great. Tom Cruise actually wasn't annoying when he narrated parts of the movie.  It worked out nicely.  I personally am partial to Renee Zellweger, mainly because I love her.  And she had some strange chemistry going on with Mr. Tom Cruise the Scientologist.  I also don't think Cuba Gooding Jr. should have won an Oscar.  Maybe that's just me though.  1996 could have been a dry year in Hollywood for supporting actors.


The director of photography was Janusz Kamiński.  I love this man with every fiber of my being.  He is a great cinematographer and works on most, if not all of Steven Spielberg's movies.  Visually you won't be dissapointed because he is a complete genius.   

The movie was a tad long and there were some pointless scenes.  If you watch it you can pick them out for yourselves.  It'll be a fun time.

People should watch this movie if for nothing else then to actually experience Cuba Gooding Jr. and Tom Cruise saying "Show me the money!" and Renee Zellweger saying, "You had me at "Hello"."  I was waiting the entire movie to hear her say that.

Oh yeah and there's a Bob Dylan song in the credits...so have the decency to stay for it.

One more thing.  The back of the DVD box claims that this is a romantic comedy.  Yes, there is romance in "Jerry Maguire." Yes, there are also several moments of comedy.  But it's a lot more than that and I felt lied to.

This review was kind of a stream of consciousness.  I enjoyed "Jerry Maguire."  Some great acting and cinematagraphy.  Ok that's about it.  And one more thing.  I just found out that William H. Macy was also nominated in 1996 for Best Supporting Actor for "Fargo."  He should have gotten the Oscar.  "Fargo" was a great movie and William H. Macy had a great performance and then Cuba Gooding Jr. stole his Oscar.

-Joseph Sbrilli

John Carpenter's Halloween: A Quick Review

John Carpenter's "Halloween" was released in 1978.  It stars Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis (in her first movie role), Nancy Loomis, and P.J Sole...yep...I also have no clue who those last two actresses are.

 Most people probably know the story, involving Michael Myers, one of a handful of popular serial killers in movies.  The movie starts off in 1963.  Michael Myers is 6 years old and extraordinarily disturbed and psychotic.  It's Halloween night and he stabs his sister to death.  Fifteen years go by and he's in a mental hospital under the  care of Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence).  However, he escapes and he's out to kill again...yep it's Halloween...like the title told you it would be.  The three actresses that I mentioned earlier are all babysitting while Michael Meyers is out to kill.  Of the three girls in the movie Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is the only one who wasn't incredibly annoying and a whore...so of course she'll be back for sequels.just like Sigourney Weaver in the "Alien" movies, it was meant to be apparently.

Well anyway it was the 1970s so nothing is too graphic or gratuitous.  Which is nice and one of the reasons why this original is better than the Rob Zombie remake from a few years ago.  Sure in the new one we got a back story to Michael Myers which is fun and all but this modern era of film making seems to think that more graphic violence and other behavior is necessary when it is not and doesn't add to the movie.  Ok, back to the original.  I love John Carpenter.  He really came through...he directed and did the music.  The music is great and adds so much to the terror of the movie.  Sure the killings aren't that violent or scary but the music makes it feel like they are...like with most movies...it would not have been as successful without the score.  Also, the cinematography was great...whoever was operating that camera should be very proud of themselves.  The camera work with all the wide shots of actors walking or tracking shots and various points of view were very well done.

  Overall, a great horror movie, that I thought has aged pretty well.  Not as good as "The Exorcist," which was released 5 years before...but come on it's "The Exorcist."  "Halloween," however was way better than "Carrie," which came out 2 years before...the horrible music ruined a movie with potential.  So yeah, I really enjoyed it...and the original is always better of pretty much anything.  By the way never, ever see the new "Friday the 13th," it is a horrible experience I wish on no one.

-Joseph Sbrilli

Clash of the Titans

Does anybody remember the absolutely terrible, eye-gougingly awful, suicide causing debacle that was 10,000 B.C.? The one where the filmmakers decided that if you throw in enough CGI people would like it? The one where the best part of the movie was when I was leaving and saw some little girl coming out of a horror flick and she had quite obviously peed her pants? Yeah, thats what Clash of the Titans was like, only no little girl peed their pants (unfortunately). 

Here is the plot summed up in 11 words: Humans hate the gods, gods need human prayers for immortality= Clash! But for the sake of consistency I'll flesh out a bit further. Perseus (Sam Worthington) is the son of Zeus and some mortal woman, but he is raised by a fishing family because of some subplot where he is thrown in a casket with his mom into the ocean but only she drowns. Quite ridiculous. Anyways Perseus' family is killed by Hades in a fit of rage. Perseus is pretty mad about this and after being captured by some soldiers of the city of Argos, which is cursed by the gods and will be destroyed by the Kraken in ten days (that giant monster in the poster). Perseus and a band of soldiers head off to fight some mythical beasts in order to learn how to beat the Kraken and save Argos, and maybe avenge his family along the way.

There are so many things wrong with this movie that I might just have to go into every single one of them and make fun of this movie in every way possible. In fact, lets count how many problems I have with this movie.

1. Sam Worthington is a decent actor, and I have a bit of respect for him in holding his own in all the recent movies he's been in. But his skills are horribly distorted in this film. After his family dies, with him miraculously surviving, he lays on a piece of driftwood and starts going, "ARGHh GRAHHARGH GRAGGLE ARGH." Horrible sounds that I'd only associate with hernias being extracted without anesthesia.

2. Sam's Australian accent pops its head a lot in this movie and annoyed the hell out of me since he is supposed to be Greek.

3. Perseus has this immortal girlfriend that follows him around protecting him. She is the most annoying woman on the planet, and when she finally dies (Thank you God) they flipping bring her back to life (NO). Her acting consists of reading the script as skillfully as a chimp throws its feces.

4. Everyone dies. All the people who are trained for battle, die. Whereas Perseus, who was fishing until the night before, grabs a sword and kills everything in sight.

5. There is some sort of magic character that looks like a walking piece of burnt wood with blue eyes.

6. Liam Neeson is the all powerful Zeus but can't seem to figure out that his brother Hades has it out for him. And when he does, he's like, "Nah I'll let Perseus figure it out, I'm too busy chilling in my glittery armor for this."

7. There are no Titans. And they kill whatever monster they face fairly easily, well Perseus does, everyone else just stands around waiting to get killed or to get saved by Perseus (Which doesn't help, because they all die anyways).

8. You know the Kraken? The giant sea monster that they spent the entire movie hyping up as the end of the world? Yeah, well they kill it in about 3 minutes. It comes out of the water, and then it dies. It was about as threatening as a flock of butterflies.

There has to be a ton more points but I am so angry right now I'm seeing spots. Rage flashes at how poorly this movie was executed. Clash of my head against the wall should be its new name.

Half a star out of four

-Christopher O'Connell

Date Night

"Date Night" is directed by Shawn Levy.  It stars Tina Fey and Steve Carrell.  Ray Liotta, James Franco, Mila Kunis, Mark Ruffalo, Kristen Wiig, and Taraji P. Henson have small roles.  Mark Wahlberg's role is somewhere in between.

Steve Carrell and Tina Fey play Phil and Claire Foster, respectively - a couple living in New Jersey.  Their lives are a gigantic rut and each week includes the exact same date, at the exact same restaraunt, eating the exact same food.  One night they try to switch things up and go into New York City for a expensive night on the town.  That turns out to be an awful idea as they are mistaken for another couple, who the mob and other people are after.  This of course leads to car chases, gun fire, Mark Wahlberg without a shirt...the usual fare in these kind of movies...so yeah...the title of the movie was pretty darn descriptive.  

First off, Shawn Levy is a horrible director.  He has directed such awful family fare as "Cheaper by the Dozen"...the beginning of Steve Martin's horrible movie period of his career, "The Pink Panther"...a continuation of Steve Martin's infatuation with making awful movies...this time Beyonce is involved, and the two "Night at the Museum" movies...honestly the only reason to see the first one is for Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, and Bill Cobbs.  With that being said, "Date Night" is a definite improvement over his past movies...which isn't saying a whole heck of a lot.

Whoever is in charge of deciding this sort of thing should have definitely had Tina Fey and/or Steve Carrell write the script to "Date Night."  It would have definitely ended better as they both are hilarious, talented people who have had experience writing comedy...Tina Fey has had more experience in case anyone was wondering.  I could tell you the name of the man who wrote this movie, but it would make no difference because no one has heard of him and for good reason...he can't write...the script was very weak and they were not enough quality jokes or memorable scenes.  This is pretty common with comedies these days.  For some reason people can not make a consistently funny, well written comedy...it boggles my mind.  Very little in this movie makes sense...which is fine...it is an action-comedy...and that's to be expected.

The only reason any human being would ever watch "Date Night" is to see Steve Carrell and Tina Fey.  They were very believable as a couple and successfully played off each other.  Even though they were given mediocre dialogue they were able to make it work pretty well and get basically the only laughs from the entire movie.  Tina Fey flirting with Mark Wahlberg is surprisingly funny, as is Tina Fey and Steve Carrell pole dancing in a strip club...I'm just saying.  The brief scene with Steve Carrell and Tina Fey with James Franco and Mila Kunis (the Tripplehorn's, the couple the Foster's are mistaken for because they took the Tripplehorn's reservations, and then the corrupt cops went after them), was also a funny part in the movie.  The movie ends with some outtakes...too bad there weren't more of them - they were pretty funny and featured Steve Carrell and Tina Fey improvising some lines.  

I feel like I should mention this somewhere...I really have no idea why Ray Liotta was in this movie.  Does he need money that badly?  Have the royalty checks from "Goodfellas" run out?  He plays an extremely watered down version of a mobster in "Date Night."  It's a strange parody or something of his role in "Goodfellas," and he gets to say some pretty terribly written lines...

There was a great cast of actors in the movie.  Apparently that's where the money went...it certainly didn't go into this fun thing known as a script.

"Date Night" could have been a lot better given the amount of talent that was there to work with.  The script was extremely poor, but Steve Carrell and Tina Fey managed to make it semi-work...at least their lines. They should really make another movie together and hope that it's better...or make it better by writing, directing, and possibly producing it themselves.  2 stars...one for Steve Carrell and one for Tina Fey.  


-Joseph Sbrilli

How To Train Your Dragon

If you look at every ancient civilization, you'll find that they all have one thing in common. No, not slavery. Well, they do have that in common, too, but all of them have dragons in their folklore. Large, reptilian beasts that breathe fire and generally cause trouble for everyone that isn't flame retardant. Dreamworks's "How To Train Your Dragon" is a nice spin on the old tale.


Cut to a quaint Norse village, filled with houses made of wood and hay and generally looking very Vikingish. This village juts out into the water on a peninsula and as the narrator explains, it snows most of the year, but generally is a nice place to live...if you exclude the dragons, of course. Every so often the village is attacked by various species of nasty, toothy dragons looking to steal sheep and burn houses - which is kind of ironic because that's always what I picture Vikings doing when they go off to pillage and rape (the Viking national past-time). All the Vikings in the village look like the characters from "Ax-men", which I suppose fighting off dragons all the time might do to you.


They all look like big, burly loggers except for one: Hiccup (Jay Baruchel). He is as scrawny as you can get with a Viking diet (most likely modeled after the actor himself), and being the runt of the litter, he doesn't have the muscle strength to kill dragons. This is very disappointing for him because his dad, Stoic (Gerard Butler), kills dragons as easily as you or I eat a bag of chips. Hiccup, not being blessed with Schwarzenegger muscles, was blessed with brain power. To make up for his inability to swing an ax, Hiccup uses a catapult he invented to shoot down the most dangerous dragon of all: a night fury. When he finds the downed night fury, Hiccup finds he can't kill it and instead lets it go and nurses it back to health.


Dreamworks is no Pixar but every once in a while they get it right and "How To Train Your Dragon" is the right way to do things. I was absolutely captivated by Hiccup's dragon. Any recent comparison would be the bird from "Up". He just charms your socks off. Throughout the whole movie, as Hiccup learns to ride the dragon (whose name is Toothless), I kept thinking to myself, "I want one, I want one, pleeeeease dear God, hook me up with a dragon." Toothless, although never speaking a word, is the most important character in the movie by far, and provides the most fun.


"How To Train Your Dragon" can get pretty cheesy at points, but you can easily let it slide. I did, because in the end I truly felt for each of the characters. It is not an Oscar-winning movie, but it is a good, solid film, with endearing characters, fantastic animation, and a nice twist ending that keeps it out of sappy Disney territory.


Gosh, I want a secret dragon that lives in my woods that I can train and ride all day, it is like the ultimate kiddy dream.


3 out of 4 stars


-Christopher O'Connell

The Godfather: A Quick Review

DISCLAIMER: Anything I say about this film would be a huge understatement to just how great it really is.

"The Godfather," released in 1972, was directed and co-written by Francis Ford Coppola.  It has a great cast which includes Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton, Abe Vigoda, and Talia Shire.  The film was nominated for 10 Academy Awards, winning three: Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Actor for Marlon Brando.  "The Godfather" goes through 10 years in the lives of the Corleone family.  For those who don't know, they are a mafia family led by Don Vito Corleone, played excellently by Marlon Brando...another one of the best actors in American film history.  The rest of the cast is just as great...they just don't have Oscars to prove it...although the majority of the cast was nominated.  Everything about "The Godfather" is pretty perfect.  The movie is almost 3 hours long but just about every minute is essential to the movie and the pacing is perfect.  Add to that great cinematography, lighting, direction by Francis Ford Coppola, etc and you've got yourself a classic American film.  One scene towards the end in particular uses cross cutting extremely well, making two scenes (the christening and some mob killings) going on at the same time much more effective.  It took me a while, but I finally saw "The Godfather," for the first time.  If you haven't seen it yet, you really should, it's kind of essential to being an American.  According to the American Film Institute it is the #2 film in American film history.  I'd say it more that earned that kind of recognition.  The film is exceptionally well acted and well made in every single regard, spawned two sequels, and changed the way that the mafia was dealt with in films.  "The Godfather" has definitely stood the test of time...


-Joseph Sbrilli 


Alternate Review: Aside from some brilliant acting, i.e. Robert Duvall, Al Pacino, Marlon Brando (could you expect anything less than perfect in the acting department from those three? No, you can't.) I found this movie to be much too long and a little boring. Then again I am terrible at judging movies before 1985, but I found "The Godfather" to drag on forever and several times I almost turned it off. Lies, it was only once, near the end.


-Christopher O'Connell

The Verdict: A Quick Review

"The Verdict," released in 1982, was directed by Sidney Lumet.  It stars Paul Newman and was nominated for five Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Adapted Screenplay.  Of course "Ghandi" was also released in 1982 and proceeded to dominate the Academy Awards, so "The Verdict" got nothing.  "The Verdict" was a great movie directed by one of my favorite directors.  Paul Newman gives a fantastic performance and is the main reason why the film is so good.  He's one of the greatest American actors...a fact and not merely my opinion.  Paul Newman plays Frank Galvin.  He's a lawyer who used to have a future, but that all changed when he became an alcoholic and only got four cases in the last three years...all of which he lost.  Frank takes on a malpractice case (a woman is in a coma because she was given the wrong anesthetic) and is determined to win.  The character of Frank Galvin is pretty complex and requires a person who is capable of getting deep into a character.  Sidney Lumet found the right person and we got a classic out of it.  The film also visually looks fantastic with a nice variety of shots and generally just good composition for the movie.  Music is important in movies and that aspect of the film was also a success.  The rest of the cast were great as well - I just decided to only focus on Paul Newman.  "The Verdict" is a great courtroom drama...one of my favorite genres, which also could be why I enjoyed it so much.  It's yet more proof that Sidney Lumet is a great director.  Every aspect of it was extremely well done and I would highly recommend it.  


-Joseph Sbrilli